I remember I had just started my first semester of college, I was only 18 and so nervous but excited to finally experience more. I grew up very shy and reserved but throughout my first few months at school I found myself a group of friends who made me feel more confident and outgoing, and before I knew it I had more friends than I’ve ever had before. I really was having the time of my life trying new things, meeting new people, and doing excellent in school. Of course, boys were included in that list. There was one boy in particular who seemed to be set on me. He knew my friends well, and was our dealer (for weed.) Everybody in our school or who had went to our high school new him, and loved him. I thought he was nice, he was always polite and funny. Charming even. I denied his advances multiple times, just because I had my eyes set on somebody else and I wasn’t sure about dating a drug dealer. As time passed he was still persisent, and my friends would always ask me, “why not!?” I remember one night he sent me a text saying that he really wanted to take me out somewhere nice and that we would have the best night ever. I’m not sure why I changed my mind. Maybe his tenacity made me think he must have really liked me, so why wouldn’t him a chance? The weekend came and he told me to wear something nice, so I did. I’ll even admit, I looked good. I had taken extra time getting ready that evening because I had never been out on a real date before. I wore my favorite platform shoes that I never got to wear anywhere. He told me to drive to his house, and from there he would drive us to where we were going. I was fine with that. I pulled up in his driveway, nervous. I had been there before, but just with my friends to buy. I knocked on the door and he opened gesturing me to come inside. “I thought we were going out?” I was hesitant. “I just have to finish getting ready.” That made sense to me. I stepped inside and stood by the door. We made small talk as he walked to his room which was by the door. He was taking kind of long. I felt a little weird. I checked my phone. No messages. “Do you want to come in my room?” “Well, aren’t you done getting ready?” “I had a suprise.” I don’t like suprises. I didn’t really want to be rude so I walked over and peeped into his room. “Have you ever tried a dab before?” I hadn’t. But I knew what it was and I wasn’t opposed to trying. I thought I could handle it since I wasn’t a stranger to smoking. “Okay, but then we’re going right?” Of course.” He handed it to me and lit it as I took a hit. I felt fine. He smoked some. I took another hit. It was at this point when I realized I wasn’t fine. To this day I’m still not sure if it was just a dab or something more. I had to sit down. Everything was spinning and I felt like I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think straight. “I don’t feel good.” I felt him touching my legs. I don’t really remember much from after that point. Its spotty. But I willl remember him being on top of me and forcing himself inside of me and all I could say was “I don’t feel good.” And all he could say was “It’s okay I know you like it.” I woke up naked on top of his bed while he was in the other room playing video games. I was still out of it. I checked my phone, no messages. His dog was next to me. I got up, and felt dumb high. Not even normal high. I wasn’t even sure if it was weed high. I didn’t like it. It was early morning. I put my top and bottoms on, grabbed my bag and just walked out. No shoes. I drove home, and I’m not sure how I even got home safely. I got home and got into my bed and just layed there. My dad came in later when he woke up. I had told him previously I was going to a friends house and I ended up staying the night. I didn’t fully grasp what happened until a little later that day. I felt disgusting. I couldnt stop crying. I stopped going to class. I didnt want to see anybody, or him. I would just drive around and come home when my dad thought my classes were over. It was at the end of the semester when my dad asked me how finals went when I couldnt hold it anymore. I called my dad daddy for the first time in years. “Daddy I love you.” I couldnt stop crying. I was taken to the doctor and tested. I had gotten an std. (cureable) I felt even worse. I felt like the scum of the earth. I thought that’s what I deserved for trying drugs and for even going there. Its taken a long time and a lot of counceling sessions to feel like my normal self again.