I had just turned 18, about to graduate, and I wanted a relationship. I started to venture out on trying find someone new and make feel that spark or happiness that I genuinely desired. I began to notice a username liking my Instagram photos more frequently. I didn’t get a whole lot of attention before so I was extremely flattered by him. I ended up with about two or three messages in my direct message box from this guy! Not only was I like so excited he was telling me how pretty I was and just made me feel beautiful! He asked to take me on a date and one thing let to another we became a couple. At this point in time we never kissed or anything sexual because I was still very reserved. However, he reassured me it was okay and it wouldn’t be a problem. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. He made me feel absolutely spectacular!! I genuinely thought I was going to marry this man, like I had never been this happy before. Let’s fast toward a month later. He asked me to come over to his apartment because he wanted to go on a date, I got all dressed up and ready to go over there. I had started out the door and headed to his place thinking about how awesome my relationship and life was going. I showed up at his door, he opens it, and asks me to sit down so we could have a talk.. he just started crying as soon as he shut his door. He cried like I’ve never seen a man cry before.
He told me that he was just not ready for a relationship because of his ex girlfriend. He apologized and said he couldn’t helped but think I would end up hurting him. Even though, I never wanted to hurt him. I begged for him to stay. As naive and desperate as I was I just really wanted someone. He just cried and shook his head.. I felt my heart shatter and I told him I was going to go back home. As I was walking towards the door, he grabbed my arm and said “no” and his face turned. I said “Listen, it’s okay! Really, I honestly just think you need some time to think things through.” Still holding my arm he applied more pressure and said “please don’t go” and I pleaded “what do you want? I can’t help you. This is souly based off your thoughts and your mindset-“ he cuts me off by kissing my lips. At the heat of the moment it was kind of I felt. Howver. I pushed his face away and told him I had to go. Please keep in mind that I haven’t ever had any sexual experiences yet, so it was a lot for someone to just kiss me. He apologized and asks me to come sit back down.. so I did. As I am being lead to his couch. He asks if I wanted to watch a movie and before I answer he throws me on his couch. I laugh but in an awkward manner because I’m uncomfortable. He then started pressing himself against me and i kind of just let him thing at first. I started to sit myself up and I say “alright haha that’s enough” and he says “no it’s not” before I could register what was said he slid his hand down my pants and puts his fingers inside me. I felt my body tighten up and my mind flood with thoughts. I anxiously say “okay.. stop. Please. Stop stop stop stop” he takes his other hand and takes his penis out and then undoes my pants and pulls my panties to the side and slides himself in me. I start to cry.. I beg him to stop, repeatlying. I felt my tears fall into my ears and I look up at the ceiling and wait until he was done. He came inside me and got up and said “that was the best pu**y I ever felt.” And I just pull my pants up and grab my keys and run out the door. I ran into my car and raced myself home. I ran into the bathroom locked the door and then turned the shower on and cried. I sat in the shower letting the cold water hit me and my clothes.. and it felt nothing. Numb. I felt like my body was just so dirty. I didn’t want to breathe in it.. I cried and cried. I blamed myself for trusting him. For thinking he was everything I wanted. I kept thinking I should of just left, I should of tried harder to get him off me... I could still smell him on my blood stained unwear. I wished my life to be over.