Mother's Day 1996. I found out I was pregnant with a man I THOUGHT loved me, was a hard worker & would be as ATTENTIVE to our child. We got married in July at a small wedding chapel per his insistence in a rented tux & wedding dress. Again, I thought he just loved me so much that he wants to do it formal. Then we moved in with his parents (so his mom could watch me while he worked) RED FLAG #1. He called several times throughout the day & I had to be there when he called or he "worried". He told me he was paying towards a bedroom suit for my Christmas (explanation for missing money). I asked my parents for financial assistance to move into an apartment before our child was born as a surprise for him. World War 3 was brewing immediately. How dare I ask my parents to do that.(Red Flag #2) I came home 30 minutes later than he expected from my baby shower to him drunk, high & enraged. I was terrified to get out of my car in his parents driveway, so I cried and tried to talk to him through my barely rolled down car window. He grabbed the window with both hands and pulled until it shattered all over me. I teied to leave walking & the shotgun appeared. He sat in the middle of the driveway, told me he was the son of satan & he was going to kill himself if I kept walking...So I stayed & believed ANOTHER "I'm sorry ". We moved to our apartment a month before our son was due. Christmas came & no bedroom suit ( he had been getting high at work). RED FLAG # 40 by this point. Our son was born a week after Christmas and All Hell Broke Loose. I wasn't allowed to have anyone at the apartment while he was at work. I was accused of affairs with everybody including my own brother. At the end of my rope April 1997 after 3 months of physical & mental abuse. I was ashamed, he would always say "If you wouldn't make me so mad, this wouldn't happen" & I believed that I brought it all on myself. I never told anyone what was happening but I knew I had to get my son & I out of this HELL. He pulled out a pistol the night that I told him it was over. He ripped the phone jacks out of the wall. He told me that I could leave, but not with his son. He spent 3 days showing me how easy it would be to break my neck & leave me there to die. He put that pistol to my head swveral times. 3 days of pure hell (mental, physical & sexual abuse). I didn't sleep, I was afraid to take a shower & I knew I was going to die there. On day 3 ,I told him he could keep our son & proceeded to load my car with with my clothes. I hid items for my son in the trash bags I was packing & loading in the car. That was it, this was my chance because he was actually letting me walk in and out of the apartment. I grabbed my 3 month old son & ran down the stairs to my car. I got him locked into the car seat & I felt my hair being ripped from the back of my head as my husband was dragging me away from the car back to the stairs that lead to HELL. I knew if he got me back inside I would die. I screamed as loud as I could trying to get anybody to see what was happening. I kicked & clawed until he let go just enough for me to get into my car & lock the doors. He couldn't follow me because I hid his truck keys. I drove to the first payphone I could find & called my friend. I cried & told her the whole terrible story. She came & drove us to the sheriff's office & then to the magistrate to file charges. He was arrested but only for 3 days & a restraining order was in place. I had to call my parents & tell them what had been happening all along. Again, I was so ashamed. My family surrounded me with love & support. I knew that I was not going to raise my son to think that was the way to treat a woman. When my son was 1 1/2 I met the man who would love me, love my son & never hurt us. The biological father relinquished his rights & finally allowed that man to adopt my son when he was 9 years old. We have been together for 20 years now & God blessed ME when He brought us this man. I finally knew what real love was! He is a wonderful husband & father that loved me through years of self doubt. My initial reaction to the smallest disagreements was fear of abuse. He has cried, held me & promised me that he would NEVER do those things. He has kept that promise & treats me like a queen. Ladies, he is not perfect but hevis my perfect knight in shining armour.
Listen to your gut. Don't mistake obsession for attention. Don't let anyone talk you into excusing any type of abuse. If you have a daughter, do you want her to think that's how she should be treated? (the way you are letting a man treat you badly). If you have a son, do you want to raise an abuser?
This is the short version of my HELL, but if it helps 1 person to make the decision to tell someone or saves 1 life then I am glad I shared my story!