In 2016 I dated this guy. I was 15/16 and he was 19/20. A guy who pretended to like all the same things as me, who convinced me he was a nice guy. But throughout the 8 months we were together I realized I got it all wrong.

He hurt me when I wouldn’t give him attention, and he hurt himself blaming me for it. He said he loved me but when I refused to have sex with him he’d make me have it regardless. I suffered though this and gave him multiple chances, telling myself he’ll change and he doesn’t mean it when he holds me down by my throat. When he tells me that no one else will love my fat body. Whenever I refused to sleep with him he’d wait until I was asleep to touch me.

I learnt to sleep lightly so I could wake up at any movement. I slept awfully, I had nightmares which continue to this day and I failed most of my exams due to lack of attention in school and lack of rest. That’s not the worst part. When I finally got out of sleeping with him he just started talking to other girls. He cheated on me and lied multiple times and eventually I had enough.

I forced him out of my home but he didn’t leave me alone till 2017. When we broke up he told lies about me. Managed to get people to come to my house after putting my address on Facebook to throw bricks and bottles. He put pictures of my lady parts online, pictures he took without my consent. Everyone saw. He posted rude things, came to my house to harass me, harassed my friends and when I got the police involved they did nothing.

This is only one of my stories. If his wasn’t bad enough I wasn’t groomed from their ages of 11-13. The older man told me he loved me and that’s why he touched me and I believed him. Every boyfriend I’ve had has been rude or abusive. I have bad luck. However I can’t help finding them because I feel so lonely by myself.

I’ve had multiple suicide attempts and clearly they haven’t worked. But I’m proud they haven’t worked, because then I couldn’t tell my story, and help others cope with theirs. Thank you.