When I was 15, I decided I was ready to be in a sexual relationship with a 17 year old male.
He cheated on me twice and I only stayed the length of a year because of threats of suicide, I helped him through everything.
Fast forward to our breakup: we decide to talk it out at his house and we end up having sex, just as we were finished he told me he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me. I cried a lot and nothing was really done about it, I forgave him and we were friends.
When I was 16, I started college and he had a car so he would pick me up so I could be in a quiet environment to do my work.
We went to his house and I decided I was going to do like 4 assignments at once, I was super buzzing and motivated!
He got in the way of those plans, he pushed me against a wall and started kissing me, and I gave no signs or had any intentions of doing anything of the sort so I said no, no, no, numerous times.
When I found myself on the bed with the palms of his hands pushing down on my head, I was thinking how much this was my own fault.
Did I give him any signals? Did I say no too quiet and not enough times?
A person I was with for a year, and good friends with for over a year, a person I trusted with my life, a person I chose to share myself with for a year, raped me.
There is no grey area, I said no, more than once.
Once should be enough.

M. McNally