When I was 13 I started talking to a guy 2 years above my in school. He was just about to turn 16. I felt mature and cool because a boy nearly 3 years older than me wanted to be my boyfriend. 3 months into our relationship is when the absurd started.
I was a virgin. I quite literally didn’t know anything about sex. Just the fact if you have sex, you can get pregnant. One evening when his parents went out. He led me upstairs and said he wanted to take my virginity. All sorts ran through my head. It hurt so much. I didn’t know I would bleed after sex. I was so scared. I told him I didn’t want to have sex again. But a few weeks later he made me do it again. It was so painful. I thought to myself. If this is sex I never want to do it! He would guilt trip me into sex. He would tell me his friend’s girlfriends do it, or I obviously don’t love him or care about him. He was manipulating me and mentally abusing me. But it got worse.
My bedroom was a garage conversion. And away from the main house. He would sneak in at night. One night he got into my bed and forced me to give him oral. He was pushing my head down which made me choke. I was crying and wanted to stop but he told me to “Stop acting like a fucking child and do it” so I cried silently.
As well as him sexually and mentally abusing me. He was also physically abusing me. He would push me into walls, onto couches, into door and even into his mum once. The pushes turned into gripping my arm really hard, so hard they left bruises. Then the gripping turned into a punch. He punched me because a boy that fancied me spoke to me in class. It left a really big bruise. This is when my mum started to notice. She confronted him and he lied. He told me to tell my mum I was play fighting with a girl in school a bit too rough. But I started getting them so often my mum called the police. We ended up breaking up. I told my mum we had sex. But I was madly in love with him (so I thought) and don’t want him to get in trouble. But obviously my mum called the police as I was only 13 years old. I was a minor. But I didn’t file a complaint against him so it was dropped.
I was controlled, manipulated and scared by him. It took me years to realize what he done to me was abuse. I’m now 20 years old, I have a fiancé and a baby boy on the way. I am so happy and proud of how far I’ve come in life. But the abuse still affects me now. 7 years on and I’m scared to give oral!
But I have learnt so much. I’ve learnt never to let a man do this to me. I was a child, he stole my innocence