To be honest I thought over and over about submitting a story, I have never written down my story because it means that I have to fully face what I went through. Means I have to deal with all the emotions of it all again and that I will get flashbacks and will get triggered from it. But if I can help even one person get out of a bad situation I will do anything I can, so here is my story......
I met my soon to be ex-husband when I was 23 he was sweet and kind and everything I ever wanted in a man, he used the words I wanted and needed to hear like beautiful not hot. He painted a picture of our future together that would fit every woman’s dream of a little house with a white picket fence. Not one of pain and hurt and distrust.
The first wile things went amazing until I was hooked I loved him, I could not be with him and he knew it. Little by little he started to pick me apart and he started to make everything my fault. The mistakes he made were turned to be my fault. I started to second guess my own thoughts and feelings. Then came the first big fight, it started as a usual argument, but this time instead of second guessing myself I stuck to my guns and I stood up for myself. That ended with me getting a bird cage thrown at me and getting pinned against a wall being choked. That should have been my cue to go, to run but I could not. He cried he told me how sorry he was how it would never happen again. He told me how I just made him so mad if I would not have pushed it would never have happened. How next time he gets angry like that he would take a walk and calm down and come home and talk. He truly was sorry or so I thought. The next few weeks things were great we were in the honeymoon stage, he was his old self again he was nice and sweet and helpful, everything I needed. It went like that over and over. The nasty cycle of abuse the buildup the explosion then the honeymoon. Each time getting worse, from slaps and head but with black eyes and bloody lips, to waking up next to a stab hole in my bed to him trying to grab the wheel while I was driving and trying to drive me in to oncoming traffic. I was with him just shy of 9 years and married 3. 9 years of hell, 9 years of torture 9 years of him ripping me down, not having any friends and the only reason I had family is because they would not let him push them away, they knew what was happening and tried to make me see it and leave. But I had so much invested I loved him, I just could not be a good enough wife and mother and do it right for him not to act this way if I could just act right we would be ok. We had 2 kids together I did not want them growing up without their dad, they need their dad. The physical assaults never happened around the kids until the night I chose to leave. The argument had been going all day long, I knew that it was going to be a bad evening, and an even worse night. During our argument he stormed out of the house, thinking about it now probably to go get high again. And while he was gone I text him told him I was taking the kids and moving back home. Not a good idea I should have just done it, looking back I think I was probably hoping he would fight for us like I had for almost 8 years. He came back home and that’s when it all happened again. But this time my children were there my children were at the kitchen table. My kids were 3 and 4 they watched their Mom be thrown over a 4x4 car for kids, they seen their mom be shoved in to a window and in to a wall they watched and screamed while their dad choked their mom and watched their mom take a smack in the mouth. All because I tried to call 911 to keep us safe. When my son came over to me crying asking mama are you ok daddy hit you he ran out the back door. I quickly locked all the doors grabbed the house phone and called 911 wile locking my children and me in a bedroom. Before the police got there he came back got in through a window. He pounded on that bedroom door, he begged and pleaded with me that he loved us and that he would change and get help. That he would stick to it this time till he was better. All things that I had heard a million times before. Only difference is he had involved my children this time. He ran and the cops showed up. I pressed charges, the following day I grabbed 2 bags of clothes for my kids and the clothes on my back and I moved my kids 9 hours away so he could not get me. Took 3 weeks but the police got him, charged him with 6 charges. He fought it he plead not guilty.... it’s been a year now that I have been out, in this year I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, Major Depressive disorder, and anxiety disorder all caused but living with him for almost 9 years, my children go to counseling, to get over what they have seen and heard. I fought him in trial for 11 months and 3 weeks just for him 2 weeks before trial to plead guilty. He got time served because of waiting in jail all that time. But I won my case. My kids and I now have our own place totally furnished by me, we all have a ton of clothes and the kids have a ton of clothes they are both in school and gymnastics and they are happier then I have ever seen them. And I now know that my son will NEVER raise his hand to a woman, and my daughter will never be abused by a man because they have seen it firsthand they have seen what it does to the woman and the children. Yes they are little but honestly they see and hear more than you would ever imagine. I still struggle daily with the thoughts he has put in my brain and I will for a long time I can’t work because of the cptsd and my anxiety attacks but in time I will heal from it. And I already see a huge difference in my kids. Anyone can do it anyone can leave lots of planning and bravery to save you and your children is what it takes YOU CAN do it!!!!