When I was 15, I went to a small house party/sleep over with my group of friends. I hadn't ate much that day and wasn't in the best mind state (I had a massive argument with a boy I was talking to). I ended up drinking way too much, and my friends put me in the living room to sleep it off. I woke up with a blanket over me, all of my group of friends in the room, and one boy lying very close to me, under the same blanket. One of my girlfriends had already left, the only other girl I came with had gone for a walk with the host of the party.
I was left, without the host, as the only girl in a room of 8 boys. I fell asleep. I woke up - I became aware of myself being awake mid-sentence - while shouting at the boy next to me saying "you're a dickhead" (I did not actually know why I was saying it at the time). I was completely delirious, and the boy whispered "shhh *insert name*, lie back down." I can still hear that sentence more vividly than the rest of the story. I woke up some time later, as a guy was dragging the boy next to me out of the room, laughing. I knew something was wrong, so I stayed awake, but pretended to be asleep. I lay there awake pretending to be asleep for about half an hour, trying to figure out what happened and why I had a bad feeling. The two boys came back, and everyone started playing spin the bottle.
While lying there, with my group of friends (the host and the girl came back by now) around me, I put the pieces together from what they were saying. While I was unconscious, that boy next to me penetrated me with his fingers. I woke up, called him a dickhead and passed out again - I was unaware it was even happening. This happened in a room full of people, in front of people I trusted and some I had known for over 10 years. I lay there, crying, as my friends laughed about what he had done to me, my first sexual encounter. One friend noticed I was awake and quietly asked me if I was okay. I very slowly shook my head to indicate that I was not. After gathering the strength, I stood up and stormed out of the room and threw up in the bathroom.
While this spread quickly around school, not many people believed me. As I had woken up as it was happening, and talked, he justified his actions by saying "you never said no."
I continued to go to school and college with my attacker. I continued to stay in the same social circle for a while. I never reported the incident, but I have let the anger go.
However, I refuse to take the blame for what happened.
Anonymous