I met my sons father when I was 18 & was awe struck and fell in love. I got pregnant to soon, within 4 months to be exact. He showed me everything I wanted but slowly he turned into someone I didn’t know. I held on to my rose colored glasses and while I was pregnant and working, he would leave me to cheat and disappear for days on end. He gave me an ultimatum and told me to move with him or lose him. I wanted my dream family so bad for my son, I left my home.

8 months pregnant during Christmas Eve, he drank to much so I drove us home. We argued over something petty, and when he threatened to hit me if I didn’t stop talking, I started to cry and when I couldn’t stop dry heaving, he choked me and threw my head into my car window while the car was still moving.

I cried for days but didn’t leave because he promised me it wouldn’t happen again. Things were okay until another argument after my son was a few weeks old. I was slammed into the bathroom and locked there until I could stop crying, I was kicked off the bed and ended with a dislocated shoulder and black eye.

After that I was told I wasn’t allowed to leave or tell anyone anything because I was crazy and they wouldn’t believe me. For months when I brought it up, he would tell me I made it up, or I was lying. I gave up hope and sucked up my life until one day he told me to leave and when he went to work I packed my things and left.

A few months later, things got better as we were not living together or in a relationship. I was taking my son to visit him and when he found out I was talking to another person, he lost it. My phone was taken, and I was locked in his house for 6 hours, where every time I left he would hit me or throw me over his shoulder and drop me on the floor. When he let me leave, I went to the hospital and had a concussion, wrist and leg sprains, a neck and spinal sprain and a black eye and marks on my neck.

I got the help I needed after I broke down to an officer at the hospital and a social worker. My son is with me and even though I have a restraining order, he violated it this past December and is now facing only 20 days in jail.
To this day, I’m afraid to argue with people, I get anxiety to where I can’t leave my house when I have to go to court where I know he’ll be. I can’t live my life like I used to 3 years ago. I’m broken down but buildin myself up slowly.
I want my son to see me get stronger and show no weaknesses. Abuse is never okay, I wish I had realized that sooner.

A Jordan