When I was 17 I met this man who was about five years older than me. He seemed like a dream come true but I quickly realized he had a drug problem but I desperately wanted to save him. Stayed with countless arguments and arrests. Packed his stuff and brought him to treatment many times hoping this time would be the last. All while he was putting his hands on me each time getting worse and worse. For some twisted reason I thought this was love. Then one day he punched me in the face and I couldn’t hide it. I told my best friend and she called the cops and they showed up the next morning after our fight. About 10 cops, interrogating me saying I’m weak for not speaking up. I denied everything and refused to speak. He told them I hurt myself in my front door chasing after him when he tried to leave and hit my face on the door. I just looked at the ground too embarrassed to make eye contact. One time he bought me a kitten named princess brought her back after disappearing on me for a week and I was ecstatic! We went to the fair and when I came home I went to the bathroom and he was in the bedroom. He calls me in and says he doesn’t think she’s breathing right I was what did you do?! I run to the room and she’s laying on her side blood coming out of her nose and I wrapped her in a towel and held her til she died. He ripped her from my arms and took her outside I was sobbing and terrified. He hid her body and told me if I ever tell anyone I know what could happen. So I pushed it so far out of my memory I hate thinking about such a dark time. I don’t think there was ever a happy moment for us and I’m not sure why I held on for so long. I lost all my friends and everyone thought I was doing drugs too. So now it’s two years later and I’m 19. I find out I’m pregnant and he’s so excited swears he’s going to be the best dad ever. Not even four months go by and we get into a fight only this time it would go too far. He punched me in the stomach every time I tried to leave so hard I fell to the ground out of breath trying to scream. He picked me up off the ground and threw me onto my bed and my top half of my body was dangling off the bed and he started choking me. I had no leverage and I was seeing black and white. I thought my baby was gone for sure. I passed out and he finally let go. When I came around I got myself together and ran to my cousins house who lived down the road and I ended up staying with her a lot because I never felt safe. That was the last time. I pressed charges and he did a year in jail. I now have an almost 2 year old daughter and we both haven’t seen him in about a year as he didn’t sign the birth certificate. I refuse to let them see eachother alone and I also do not feel safe as he is still using and I know what he’s capable of. I still struggle with feeling safe and having peace of mind but I have started a new life. Occasionally I have nightmares about him. I have ptsd and I’ve been to therapy.