This is a story, I’ve never told, I need to get this off my chest. I need to take back the light inside me that you stole. Randy, you are nothing but a criminal, and you steal like a pro.
I was just 14 years old, doing cartwheels and handstands in the yard, jumping on my trampoline, being a tomboy. I was just an innocent kid, playing in the dirt, going to school and playing with my dog.
I was only 14 and still a virgin. Randy, you were the adult! You were old enough to be my father! Isn’t that called statutory rape?
We were neighbors and eventually friends. Randy, remember when we would sit in your carport and talk for hours? I trusted you! I thought you were my friend, I thought you liked me!
Randy, you knew my situation at home, that I had no one else to talk to and was in desperate need of a friend. Randy, you are nothing but a PEDOPHILE!
Now, Broken and bruised. There’s a part of me I can’t get back. A little girl who had to grow up to fast. All it took was once, and I’ll never be the same again.
Randy, I should have been safe with you! You deceived me.
Everything was fine for a few months,
Until the day I came down there like I always did after school. When you opened the door, it was like I was looking at the Devil. Randy, there was something in your eyes, cold and empty. Just like the man you are!
I tried to turn and leave, but you grab me and brought me in the house. I tried to get away from you, It just wasn’t possible.
Randy, you threw me down on the floor, Got on top of me. You were rubbing up and down on me, then you pulled my pants down and then you unbuttoned and unzipped your pants, you pulled out your penis and you touched it a few times, then you laid on top of me, and said this will only hurt a little bit. Hurt a little bit, Hell you were so rough and all.
After about ten minutes, you were done. When you got up and went to the bathroom, I just laid there a few minutes, I couldn’t move. When I Put my pants on, you came out and said this is what happens between two people, it’s normal.
I was bleeding and hurting, I just wanted to leave. You hugged me and told me it will be OKAY, and not to tell anyone, it was our secret.
The second time, you raped me. I don’t know why I went back and I am still trying to figure that out to this very day.
I still blame myself! I walked right up to your door, like nothing had ever happened, You pulled me thru the door but gently this time. You pulled me into the house and you hug me, but it was like a rubbing hug, I can’t explain it.
You’re pressing your body into mine.
Randy, you took me to the bedroom, where he sat on the chair and put me down with you to my knees. You had your legs around me tight, you brought your penis, you grabbed my head in and tried to make me give you a blowjob. I bit you! I got up to leave, but you caught me in the hallway. You pushed me into the doorway, and you pressed up against me, and then you hit me. I fell to the floor and you pulled your gun out, then you told me to take my pants off and I wouldn’t, so you did and you raped me.
I was staring at the gun, probably thought if I could grab it. When you were done you touch my cheek and kiss me. Once again, you said this is normal. This is what happens between two people, it’ll be OK, it’s our secret, don’t tell no one!
I got up and went home, probably sat in the tub for hours, I filled it up about half way, and turned the shower on to hit me also and I cried for a good while. I washed until I was literally raw in places. I tried to drown myself, I went under the water and stayed as long as I could, but had to come up. I fought it, but I wanted to die!
Randy, you should have just killed me yourself, more then what you already did, INSIDE!
Randy, the third time you raped me. I was letting bear out, my dog. It was dark, the flood lights didn’t work, so I had a flashlight. I went to the side of the house to find bear. He went though spells where he would runaway. It was pouring out and storming bad. I later found out we were in a tornado warning!
Bear was not there, well I was walking back up to the house someone, you Randy grabbed me, pushed me down on the wet ground.
Randy, then you ripped my shirt and yanked my pants off, then you raped me. You were more rough then you ever been before and oh god it seemed like it went on forever and ever.
You had your hand around my throat. I couldn’t scream or anything, it’s not like it done any good or made a difference, with the thunder booming every few seconds.
Randy, you were touching me kissing me touching my boobs, then you stuck your penis inside me. When you were done you got off me, and he put one finger in my mouth and went (shh) and then you calmly walked back to your house.
Randy, you planned this evil, you preyed on me like the pedophile that you are! Randy, you betrayed me. What you did changed my life (FOREVER)
randy, what you did to me, made me feel dirty, insecure, ashamed, guilty, confused, powerless, angry, like I couldn’t trust anyone anymore.
I was depressed, suicidal, stayed in my room. I started having anger outbursts at home, trouble started at school.
I begin cutting myself to ease the pain, just wanted to die. I would cut with razor blades, knives, broken glass. Finally the cutting didn’t help, so I took a bunch of pills with some liquor, I was so pissed when I came to because all t made me do was sleep. I started to sneak liquor a lot, to dull the pain,
This was followed by constant violent outbursts toward anyone and everyone. Problems with authority. You Randy, you changed my life, my behavior, my feelings about myself and my feelings about men!
Randy, I AM NOT FORGIVING YOU, and honestly don’t know if I ever will, by talking and telling what you did to me, you lose the power, the control.
Randy, I am taking back my life, everything I’m taking it all back.
Randy, from me telling my story, from telling what you did, from getting help,
(Therapy) and (Support)
You will and have lost the hold you had on me, the power and control.
Randy, I’m taking it back, all of it that you stole for me and I am letting the fear you placed in me, little by little, day by day, I am getting better, some days not so much but in the end of it all, I am gonna be like randy who? Yeah I’ll never forget what you did but it’ll get better, it all will!
So Randy, I am taking back my life today, nothing left you can do or say, cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway!
Now I am a warrior, I’ve got thicker skin.
I’m a warrior, I’m stronger then I’ve ever been, my armor, is made of steel, you can’t get in and randy you can never hurt me again.
So I am taking back my life, my control, the power back, the hold you once had on me, RANDY, YOUR NOTHING.
I can finally start to be me again and eventually will be me 100%
Randy, you’ve lost the hold you once had on me.
This is a story, that I’ve finally TOLD!
Now that I’ve got this off my chest,
I’VE LET IT GO!
Randy, yeah what you did will always be there, but I AM A SURVIVOR.
(I’LL BE OKAY)