I met my boyfriend when I was 17. Things moved fast and I found out we were going to be having a baby. I told him, and he was so excited. We were excited for the future. Things couldn’t have been more perfect. When I was three months pregnant, things changed. He would check my phone. Accuse me of cheating. Constantly message when we were apart. And if I didn’t reply fast enough, I’d be accused of sleeping with another man. I had enough and wanted to leave, I told him it was over and was walking upstairs to collect my things. When I got to the top he grabbed my ankle and pulled me down each step. He slammed my head into the steps. I ran to leave and he pulled me back crying. Saying he was sorry.
He pleaded me to stay. Said he had messed up and would never do it again. So I stayed. The abuse slowly got worse. He would beat me day in and day out. I lost all my friends and family. I remember receiving a text from a male friend I had from my school years. He threw all of our baby’s clothes out of his window into the mud. Then he grabbed me by the throat until I passed out. I thought I was going to die. When I was 40 weeks pregnant he beat me in the street and threw me into the road. Nobody helped me as I lay there. They just honked their horns for me to move. I should also add that I have a sever hip disability, and all my pain medications I was supposed to be taking he threw away, as he said me taking them meant I was trying to kill our baby.
I went 2 weeks overdue and went to the hospital to have our baby. He came to ‘support’ me. The midwives told me to go and take a shower for the pain and for him to come and help me. When I got into the shower, he got in to. The he forced himself inside me. I was in labor, but he didn’t care. I managed to push him away. So he grabbed my clothes and threw them into the shower with me. Got dressed and left me there in immense pain. When the midwives came to check me I didn’t dare to say anything. I gave birth to my beautiful little girl. I was holding her in my arms. I received a text. It was from a male, a friend I had known for years. Saying ‘congratulations.’ He lost his temper and started kicking me in the back and calling me a cheat, whilst I held our precious little girl in my arms.
Once I was out of the hospital I went to stay at my mum’s house. He came to stay and repeatedly raped me for days. When my little girl was a week old. We got into an argument because I wouldn’t have sex with him. He started throwing things at me from across the room whilst I was feeding our daughter. I got up to walk away, walked up the stairs, and he pulled me down every one. With my little girl in my arms. He pulled me so hard my jeans ripped. I screamed for my mum. I told her what had happened and he denied doing anything. She kicked him out. I didn’t speak to him for a few months. Got my own place. Settled in. And then he managed to worm his way back in.
Things was great for a week or so. Then he began forcing himself on me again. This time he was recording it. He said if I left he would show my family. I was so scared. One day he got mad, over something small and threw my head into a mirror, pinned me up against the wall by me neck. I looked over to the other side of the room and could see my little girl in her crib as I slowly blacked out. Thinking I was going to die and never see her again. That was the moment that something clicked in my head. I kicked him out. I told the police what he had done. But there wasn’t enough evidence. He was let free. After everything he got nothing. He had to attend anger management classes, so that he could see our little girl for contact. But he never went.
He came to my house trying to see her and I had to ring the police every time to come and take him away. It’s been 5 years. 5 years since I escaped the horror story that was my life. I’ll never forgive myself for staying after the first time he hurt me. But now my life couldn’t be better. I now have two beautiful daughters and he’s not allowed near either of us ever again. It always seems that there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel, but I promise you there is. You just have to find it.
Sadly I now suffer from anxiety, major depression, sleep paralysis and night terrors. My injury’s May have healed but my mental scars never will. But there is support out there. People who care. People who can help. Please if you’re in the situation, or know anyone who is. Tell somebody. It would save your life. X