My names Makayla but it used to be spelled Michaela, that doesn’t really matter after my birth mom gave me up for adoption due to her severe drug addictions, my mom was so sick she’d do anything to get her hands on drugs even if it meant stomping on my brothers private parts to feed her feen. That was the last straw that got us taken away.

But after that my life took a turn for the worst. I was placed into foster care. When I was 2 years old. My first home was okay but my second home was what would leave the biggest impact on me till this day. 2 twin boys would come into my room and take turns “changing” my clothes they would touch my private parts on top of my clothes at first and then under my panties. Then they would tell me let’s play a game. And talk me into how fun it would be. He told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. I was excited for what I thought would be a lollipop, but I was shocked. It was his penis in my mouth I just sat there with it in my mouth. Didn’t know what to do I was scared he told me what to do but I refused with his penis still in my mouth warm tears started streaming and I started hysterically crying.

I told my birth mom there was a boy putting his Pee pee in my mouth she told me to bite it next time so I did he screamed I started crying his mom walked in. She yanked him up then spanked me and told me that she knew I was a “dirty little girl”. This is the same family that starved me left me to drink toilet water and eat toothpaste. When I asked for food they would bend me over the water bed and beat me silly. After catching me being a “dirty girl” she would shake my body slapping my mouth. Putting A bar of soap in my mouth for being a dirty girl. The dad came home and beat my butt silly too.

Social care workers had told me they were a good family and that my allegations were merely me trying to get sent to another home. My soul died that day. I trusted No one! I grew up to be in a domestic violence relationships. Teeth chipped, fractured vertebrae L3 L4 paralyzed from the neck down for 4 days. Bruises all over my entire arm it looked like a tattooed sleeve. Spit on slapped till I heard ringing in my ears. My son punched out of me diagnosed with a placenta abruption. Choked till I passed out. I guess this is what I deserve. It’s been like this my whole life no matter how hard I try to be a “good girl” it’s all I’ve ever known and will know. Amy Shockey my bio mom came around when my back was fractured for the first time in 22 years and so did her sister Jennifer Leaver.

They made me give them most of my pain killers that were supposed to last me 3 months gone in 1 month but I didn’t care I just wanted a relationship with my mom even if it meant having no meds and being in physical pain. She knew I would do anything for family. And after they took all my pain meds and I had non left Jennifer leaver attacked me outside injuring my back again kicking in my spine with heeled boots chocking me digging her nails into my throat ripping out my hair. I defended myself till I had nothing left to the point she looked worst off then me. I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt me NO MORE. Then she pulled a gun out on me. I wasn’t useful to her anymore. I was arrested on assault charges but later proven innocent. She said I attacked her. Thank god for there being witnesses. I’m a survivor. I’ve lived to tell my story you are not alone my music and my singing voice is what gets me through to this day.

Everything happens for a reason even when you can’t bear to understand it. It will make you or break you.

M. McClelland