I'm 17 years old. I've never really had a good experience with men/boys. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my mom would move my brothers and I from state to state and I never had stability until four years ago. She married a man who claimed he was "Christian" and really into church, when I was about 11/12. He would get upset with me and my mom because I refused to go with him anywhere alone. He never hurt me physically or verbally but he would abuse my brothers who were 1 and 2 years younger than me, and verbally abuse my mom. After he kicked us out we moved back to a place we were at before to help this church. The pastor was really controlling and we found out he was racist (which is surprising considering most of his congregation was African American). He didn't allow me to sing because I was dating a black guy. I was 13. The pastor also didn't want my mom to see anyone but as soon as she told him she was talking to a man, he kicked us out of the church and we moved in with her then boyfriend. They married two weeks later and he seemed super nice. He offered to teach me how to drive and me being excited about it, agreed. We would drive around for anywhere between an hour and three hours around the neighborhood talking. We wouldn't leave until 11pm or so every night and my mom knew of course. Our conversations started off simple about school and slowly they progressed to his sex life before my mom and me listening not knowing what to say, to him complaining about his sex life with my mom and how she doesn't please him. I thought it was so weird and I brushed it aside. About two years rolled around and he progressively got worse in conversations with me and I would try my best to avoid him. It made me uneasy and he even went as far as to say "I could make you feel so good." I would never entice these conversations or tell anyone about them. Until one day a week after I had sex, he confessed that he had a voice recording of me having sex in my bedroom. My heart dropped. I went off completely. My mom put a restraining order on him and we found out he had been showing my brothers pornography randomly and they wouldn't say anything because they were scared. Police told my mom that he was grooming me and if we hadn't stopped it in time I could've been raped. The "could've" still lingers in my head 6 months later and I've only really shared the story with two other people who weren't my S.O. Or my best friend. It's completely ruined my trust with people, and I feel like sharing my story could help other girls realize that controlling, manipulative, men who say they mean well, aren't always good. I've never been touched without consent and I've never been bullied but I've been groomed and I've been made to believe that if I even slightly messed up I would be hurt badly. Statistics say that most women who are raped know their rapist and if we can raise awareness of this and show people the signs of being groomed, I feel like we can help prevent some rape cases from happening. If you're being groomed tell someone. If you feel uneasy around someone, tell somebody. Don't be afraid like I was. Defend yourself. Please stay guard with your heart, mind, and body. You're precious and don't deserve to feel manipulated into being quiet.