I’m a survivor of sexual assault and I hope my story can help another.

I came home from college, I dropped out after finding out my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me by walking in on him with another girl. I moved back home and went to a party to have some fun with friends. I know I drank some that night, enough to feel pretty tipsy but not enough to not be aware. I felt tired and was ready to go to bed. This party was at a different ex boyfriends of mine house. He was a childhood friend since preschool and my on and off again middle school / high school boyfriend. Having spent a lot of time at his house I felt comfortable and went and laid down in his parents’ bedroom as all the couches were taken. I remember laying there in the dark room and people outside the bedroom door having a conversation. I remember my ex saying no and his friends saying “if you don’t someone else will” I wasn’t sure what exactly they meant. My ex came in and shut the door and locked it. I remember thinking to myself why is he locking the door? He crawled into bed with me and I pretended to be asleep. I figured he’d go away or just pass out once he realized I was asleep. He tried kissing me, kissing my neck, I just laid there. I’m a pro at faking asleep. I thought he’d stop there but he didn’t. He started to stick his hand down my pants and I jumped out of bed and ran into his parent’s bathroom and locked myself in there. I cried. He sat outside the door apologizing and begging for me to come out but I refused. I don’t know how long I stayed in that bathroom, hour’s maybe? Until I was positive he and everyone else was asleep. I got my keys, it was almost daylight and I drove myself to the local park and slept in my car. I set my alarm for work, woke up and got dressed for work in my car to find out I left my lights on and my car battery died. I called a family member to jump my battery and had told them my friend picked me up from the park and I must’ve left my dome light on all night. I went to work but ended up leaving early because I couldn’t see through my tears. I kept reliving the previous night. On my way home I called my ex and just screamed “why!” several times at him. He apologized over and over and I told him I should call the cops. He asked if I had and I said no. I have talked to him since then but never about what happened that night since the phone call. I know he was drunk and peer pressured but that is NO excuse for that night and I’m lucky it didn’t end up any worse than what it was. I think he used to feel guilty but has probably forgotten about that night. I wish I could. To feel that betrayed by and scared of such a close friend and your first love is deeply saddening. I’m living with it okay, it doesn’t affect my current relationship. I have a great boyfriend and wonderful child. My family and friends do not know of this encounter. Only my current boyfriend and possibly a file somewhere at my old job if it hasn’t been thrown out by now. I know my situation could have been worse and others have been through worse but all I can say is if you have a gut feeling, a bad feeling just get out or go where there are lots of people. Don’t go into a room by yourself, know your exits. Keep your keys and cell phone with you at all times and don’t be afraid to call for help. I could have called any family member to come get me but I was embarrassed, ashamed and thought I could handle it on my own. But family loves you and they would have been happier I called than for me to get hurt, taken advantage of.