We had been talking for a while about meeting up and hooking up. After a paint party I went to I met up with him and went back to his room. I told him I needed to shower to get the paint off. This was not an invitation, he thought it was. I got in the shower and was cleaning the paint off when he got in.
He immediately turned me and pushed me against the wall and I didn't tell him no. I struggled with that for a long time, that I didn't say to him yes we can have unprotected sex in the shower, with no foreplay. I guess he just assumed because I was naked and didn't say no when he just started having sex with me that I meant yes.
The emotional turmoil after this event severely impacted my life for the next 2 weeks. I cried at least 3 times a day and refused to be alone because I couldn't stand to have the conversation with myself that I just let that happen to me. That I was one of those girls you hear about in college where she didn't report the sexual assault. I didn't even know I was sexually assaulted until I told my friend, and she told me that even though I went there to have sex that it was the circumstances behind it that screamed rape to her.
After spending time with myself dealing with it I am still terrified of men taking advantage of me. However, I feel more empowered to take a stand for myself and have a voice because I never want to feel like my body is now a weapon used against myself. I don't want to feel like my body belongs to a man who doesn't deserve me.