Almost two years ago I was raped by a man. I was at the county fair, we had met here two years prior. I remember it being a hot Saturday. He asked to get shade and I liked him so I came with. I was only 15 he was about to be 19. I had never been in a sexual situation, so I had no idea he was trying to have sex with me.

We laid underneath a big tractor. He sat in quotes for a few minutes listening to the country music next door. He started kissing me and I didn’t mind, I liked him. He started grabbing I was hoping it would stay pg13. It started to get aggressive with the way he was grabbing at me he started to take my pants off. I pleaded no, he just liked at me with a smirk... I felt so small I even whispered “please stop...” the man wetted his hands to put himself inside me. I felt the feeling of defeat, I wanted to scream but nothing would come out. I stayed quite...

“He took my head down to his penis and forced it into my mouth. I felt tears stream he was choking me and I couldn’t do anything about it. He took me back up and proceeded. I felt lifeless at this point... I felt the blood on my underwear. He whispered in my eye with his hands around my throat “you like that baby?” He growled under his voice and said “you’re so tight, I want to cum” I just shut my eyes and tried to block it out. A man saw us and asked what we were doing... the man under the tractor said “taking shade.” The man above us fell suspicious and told us to get going. I pulled up my shorts. “Now you’re not a virgin.” I felt blood on my shirt as I walked away.

Completely dazed. I felt so worthless I didn’t see the need to acknowledge anything around me. All I could think was “is that my blood?” Nothing mattered. I became reckless. I had been suspended three times in the spans of 8 months for fighting, and possession of marijuana. I had this new boyfriend who was 24. I was partying all the time. I didn’t care about what happened. Soon I struggled with physical abuse at home and was put into a foster home at age 16. I returned home 3 months later to just live with my father because my mother’s was too abusive. I’m still with my boyfriend today. I’m 17 him Turing 26.

I’ve never felt more supported and comfortable with a man in my life. I’ve come so far as to court for my rapist but counseling to get me through everything that happened. I’m happy today.