When I was 16, I started talking to a lad a year or two older than me. He seemed caring, kind, charming and a genuinely nice guy. We were talking for a while and I developed a crush on him. He would complement my appearance and personality, and generally make me feel really happy and cared about. Then he asked for photos. I told him no, but he persisted and said okay how about in underwear then, so I relented. This is when he changed and he started to show the real him. He said if I didn't send more he would post it online with the chat and my name. I was terrified so I sent more, he demanded nudes, told me to do certain poses and what I should do in the photo. I was so scared, I eventually told him a few days after I'd sent the first photo that I'm not doing it anymore. He didn't like that and threatened to post the photos, threatened to send people after me who would beat me and rape me.

I was in my first year of sixth form at the time (I live in the UK), and I'd go in each day for the week that he was threatening me and making me send photos, and I'd be tired from little to no sleep, hardly eating, being more introverted than I already was. I broke down to one of my best friends at the time one day during a free period, as the night before this lad had said if I didn't meet him on the Friday he would post the photos. I asked why he wanted to meet, and he said so he could sleep with me, record it and then use it as more blackmail. I told him no that's not happening and he threatened more so I agreed to meet him. I broke down on the Thursday to my friend and he told me I needed to call the police. I was still terrified and said I couldn't, but he said if I didn't call them he would, so the next day with the help of another friend I called the police, they met me at school and spoke to me with a teacher, I showed them all the messages. They wrote it all down but all they did was go and talk to his parents, and he didn't get charged with anything. The most that happened was his parents took away his phone, police checked his electronics and the photos weren't there. They then tried to blame me, saying I shouldn't have sent anymore, that I instigated it. It all got pushed aside and I'd almost gotten over it a year later, when I had a message from someone I don't know saying that they had bought a memory stick with a lot of revealing photos of me on, off this lad.

He had sold my photos on and I tried to reply to the person but they had blocked me so I don't even know who they were, where those photos are, or if they are even still out there. I am not over it to this day and I am 21 now. Various other things have happened since then, but that is the only online abuse that has changed me since it happened. I cannot get over it.

Another thing happened to me when I was 18, almost 19. I was seeing another guy, and he had come round to mine as I was living in shared accommodation through a homeless charity. He was stopping the night and we slept together, it was the second time we had, he asked for a blowjob, and I said no, he was on top of me by this point and the next thing I know he had pinned my arms with his legs and forced himself into my mouth. I just did what he wanted as I couldn't move anyway, and I felt ashamed that if I'd fought and screamed for help the people I lived with, (all guys who were actually really protective of me being the only female there) who'd be disappointed or blame me that it happened. There are only a couple of people I have told about that incident, one being my fiancé and father to my 5 month old, and the other my best friend. I honestly haven't gotten over it or forgotten it. I haven't for either of the incidents I've shared, but I'm still here. I got away from both people and they haven't been in my life for a few years at least now, yes I still suffer with it but it didn't stop me from sorting my life out, achieving goals, getting a place of my own and starting a family.


So if you only remember one thing from my experiences, don't blame yourself, or think anyone else will if you tell them. Talk to someone, anyone, and they can help you get away or stop the person who is harming you.

Anonymous

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