I was at a party with my “good friends”. We were speeding around in the Buick and I was ready to get turnt, but I didn’t expect to get so drunk I didn’t remember anything. I drank A LOT of raspberry Vodka. So much that next morning all I could remember was going to the party, racing around in the car, chugging the bottle, dancing, puking, laying down, bawling my eyes out am trying to fight the host of the party, also leaving the party on foot and calling my grandmother to pick me up In the middle of winter with no coat.

A girl I don’t like called me the next day and told me I was a bathroom slut. I told her I had no clue what she was talking about, I didn’t have sex last night. She told me I fucked Zachary. Zach was supposed to be my good friend. I didn’t believe her, I had no recollection of having sex. I asked the host of the party if it happened because I was curious. He told me I said I had to puke and I went to the bathroom. He said Zach followed me, and the puking turned to moaning, he said he walked in to check on me to make sure I wast okay, he said Zach was having sex with me from behind while I wast still puking.

Crying and angry I told him to get out. He did. Nobody bothered to pull him off me. Two months later I went to another party. I hadn’t spoken a word to Zach since the incident. We were sober at the start of the party, I wasn’t going to risk drinking around him again. He pulled me aside and told me how sorry he was, he shouldn’t have taken advantage of me like that because I was so drunk. I told him it was humiliating and it’s been eating at me, I told him to never touch me again while I was drunk, no matter if I act like I want it or not. (Which I’ve never acted this way towards him)

He told me he never would again and kept repeating how sorry he was. SO I thought, okay, he means it. I can get drunk now, there’s enough people here and he wouldn’t do it again. Well I had one drink and still wanted to get more. I asked my friend to take me to the store. Zach asked if my friend could take him home. I’m in the car, and I black out again. The next morning I wake up, in Zach’s trailer, with no underwear on. The motherfucker did it to me again. But how? How did I get here? I was going to the store. So I called my friend who was supposed to take me back to party after we hit the store. He had no clue about the first party, how Zach had already taken advantage of me. I asked him what happened after we left for the store. Zach had convinced my trashed self that we could go to giant camper and that I could just sleep, no funny business. That’s when I knew he had done it a second time, and his apology had meant nothing.

Since then I don’t party. I have two dogs, a wonderful boyfriend, I’ve surrounded myself with family and do the things I love. Don’t let a piece of shit take your happiness. Love yourself first.

M. Tranten