I had an ex who was controlling, verbally and physically abusive. He was a really nice person at first but his true sides started to show. He didn't drink alcohol at all so that meant I couldn't drink either, had to cut ties with my friends who drank, can't be around people who drank, couldn't go to parties, or be in a household that had alcohol besides my own.
He was constantly checking on me calling and texting if I didn't reply within 5-10 mins, just to see if he can tell by my surroundings I’m not drinking. He didn't allow me to have any type of body piercings/tattoos/plugs (stretched ear lobes) because it looked ugly and UN lady like. I once started stretching my ear lobes and he saw, decided to put me in a choke hold and rip them out. I got some facial piercings without telling him and he lost it, said he didn't give me permission, I ruined my face, I’m going to embarrass him in front of his family and tried to take them off.
He would force me to take them off when I was around his family, he was just angry about some simple piercings that I just eventually took them off. One time an old friend from middle school wanted to catch up with a few others, I ended up drinking because I wanted to enjoy the time and have fun, I ended up losing my phone under her car seat and slept over her house and she took me back early the next morning. I walked in to find him on my bed, and he just told me I had some explaining to do. I just decided to ignore him and tell him I didn't have to and went to sleep. He ended up texting one of my friends brother (went to high school together) and he told him I was drinking (he didn't know how he was about me drinking) he lost it, he punched me in the arm, started punching my walls, went to my bathroom and punched a hole in the wall, and he walked out. hours later he came back with a bloody scratched up fist and told me he punched a cement wall and I shouldn't have done what I did because I made him mad and caused him to hurt himself and made me feel so low.
He texted my friend and told her to stay away from me. I had lost many friends that I eventually got used to it. My friend was having a small bday party and invited me, asked my him if I can go and he told me no, there will be drinking, and if I went behind his back, he'll call the cops and tell them there is underage people drinking and that her parents will get arrested. I just stayed and he came over to make sure I didn't go and he just gave me a smirk and told me I was smart for listening to him. It was always the same thing. I eventually got the guts to break it off with him but he would start telling me how I made him happy, how his childhood was bad, and would tell me how no other guy would want me, and would just guilt and manipulate me so bad into getting back with to just repeat the cycle.
I was in my room watching one of my favorite movies and he told me to take it off and I said no and he just goes and switches movies. I shoved him and punched me in the leg and I decided to just leave. He followed me everywhere I went I was just so uncomfortable and was getting anxiety that I had to go back home. he caught up with me and just locked me with his as telling me that something's wrong with me, I never listen to him and that’s why he treats me that way, I got out of his arms and he just shoved me down and nearly smashed my face into my mom’s car side mirror. I just ran in, went to my mom’s room and called my friend to pick me up, I couldn't stop crying.
She repeatedly told me to leave him but was honestly afraid of what he would do. He didn't apologize and just said to listen to him and he won't do it again and he left. I became a shut in, stopped going out, stopped messaging the few friends I had left. He would have a bad dream of me cheating, he would wake up and start choking me with his arm that I was laying on, we would go in a store where shot glasses were sold, he would grab me by the arm and drag me out, I would be in Instagram looking at pics my friends posted from a party and he would take my phone away and tell me I shouldn't be seeing that shit and be concerned about it and take my phone away. One day a mutual friend who was xvx (straight edge vegan) got so bugged that I posted a pic of a cheese pizza my mom bought (we were having financial issues and she wasn't aware of the vegan food diet and I wasn't going to be rude and turn it away) she unfollowed and I didn't care, but I came to find out from him that she went and started talking crap about me to him, but he didn't tell me till months later, and that's something that just betrayed me so much that he kept that a secret just so that he continue to be friends with her because if her social status, I broke it off with him.
I was actually able to stay away from him no matter how many times he came over, text, and call me. I ended up talking to this guy online and just telling him everything. He was really nice and listened and tried giving me advice. We became good friends online. My ex was still trying to come back into my life that I just had to tell him I’ll stay friends but won't ever get back with him and he needs to stop. He said he was too embarrassed to tell anyone we broke up and if we can keep it a secret and I honestly didn't care and I just said ok to anything so he can leave. He finally did and were broken up for four months until I eventually started dating and seeing my online friend. When we would go out and alcohol was involved I for some reason would look away, not touch, and just kept my head down and asked him for permission if I was allowed to drink. He was confused and asked why I was asking for permission and told him how I always had to ask permission and that it was kind of stuck in my head to always do that to avoid getting in trouble. The look he gave me was so sad and he must told me I will never have to worry about that again and he will never control or out me through. I didn't announce, post pictures, tell literally any of my friends, post online (neither did he) about us dating. I got back home from his house (fourth time I’ve gone over) and I get a txt from my ex, I just replied I’m fine and he asks me if I’m seeing anyone and I said no, he tells me he won't get mad and I just said yeah I am seeing someone (I stopped being afraid of him because I know he can't do anything to me anymore) he lost it and went off on me and I just ignored him.
Two days later some of my friends that he tried befriending messaged me screenshots of everything he said. He went on to tell people I cheated, I used him for money (he didn't have a job and would borrow money from my mom, his parents, and friends) screwed him over, started telling how I was a lowlife and had no job and was going to get screwed over, one thing that stood out to me from all is how he knew where the guy I was dating lived. I never told anyone what city he was from, never told anyone his name. He literally stalked me to his house. I told my now current bf what had happened and he said he'll be ready for anything and luckily nothing has happened to him or I.
Alot of people I was friends with stopped talking to me because of all the lies he has said about me and look at me as the bad person. Till this day I still get angry stares. It honestly hurts to also see some of my current friends who are still friends with him on social media knowing what he has done to me. It may be just social media but that just tells me you want to be his friends even though he is a horrible person. I don't bring it up because they'll all assume I’m not over him, I'm not but not in a relationship way, I have no feelings towards him, I’m not over the fact of how abusive, controlling, and manipulating he was towards me and how many friends be has gained from his lies and how many I have lost. Till this days he is still telling lies but I don't care, I'm only focusing on my bf, our careers, and possibly starting a family soon.
Sadly many girls are stuck in this horrible situation and know you will make it through, become stronger, and get out and will meet someone that will respect and treat you the way you should.
Anonymous