When I was 15 I dated a 17 year old boy (I’ll just use J for the first letter of his name) anyway me and J had just started dating and he came over to my house, met my family then he said he had to leave to go get his stuff back from his ex-so he left and came back later. My mom had left and when he came back he just wanted to chill in his truck in his driveway and I was only 15 at the time and he was my first ever boyfriend and I had just moved there and he wanted me to make out with him.

I was very uncomfortable but it was just kissing so I went with it and then he wanted to do more like touch me and me touch him and I was super uncomfortable and even got out the truck to go inside but he somehow manipulated me into doing this stuff with him I was so confused and had no one to talk to about this except my older cousin. And she only told me I was a whore and easy but in reality I didn’t want to do any of that stuff with him he made me feel like if I didn’t he would leave or say bad things about me to people.

Well after that he went to school and told everyone I went down on him which I didn’t. He made me feel weak and stupid and everyone at school called me a whore and a slut I even got shoved into a bathroom and a guy tried to touch me which at that point I slapped him and cussed him out. I would go back to my cousins house (the person I was staying with at the time) and my cousin was just be mean to me and called me a whore and her older brother did the same. She was the only person I had to talk to and she told everyone everything except the important parts.

It got so bad I ended up moving out and moving to a different state. But every time I hear the stupid song he use to play when he would manipulate and take advantage of me I was so innocent and alone I just wanted to go out on a date and have a cute first relationship but instead it lasted only a week and I had my innocence stolen from me and my reputation ruined and it was all because he was horny and just wanted to have sex with me (which I never let it go that far) on our first date he drove me home and he lived far away from where I lived and I was new to the area so wasn’t sure where everything was; he tried to convince me to have sex with him but I knew I didn’t want to and wasn’t ready he went as far as threatening to leave me in the middle of nowhere and telling me if we didn’t have sex by next month bad things would happen.

He stole my innocence and it makes me sick that he manipulated me and ruined my life I was trying to make down there, he ruined my confidence my innocence my relationship with my family down there and all the rumors about me in that small town even turned my mother against me for the longest time until she could see I was telling the truth and he took advantage of me. I hated myself and everyone else hated me to back then and it’s all because I didn’t want to do sexual stuff with him and he pressured me into doing some stuff but not too far but I was still very uncomfortable, I had only ever kissed a boy and he made up lies and rumors and turned all my friends I had made against me and since I’ve moved I haven’t had any relationship with the cousins and family I lived with and if I did I’m sure they would still hold it against me.

The first time you do anything more than kissing should be with someone you care about and it should be a special moment and I never got to have that special moment or to feel that special way I just felt obligated (which I wasn’t but he made me feel that way) and I was so confused and I hope things like this don’t happen to anyone else because it’s truly soul crushing.