When I was just 16 I met this guy in my sociology class at school. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. He immediately fell for me. I told him I didn’t want to date (even after I broke up with the boyfriend I had when we met). He pretended to understand and we would spend the next few months hanging out with each other and sometimes with my best friends. His parents had a ranch house and he took me there one day. It was isolated and had a coded fence around the perimeter.

Everyone who was in that house left to get on with their own lives and it was just us left. We were sitting on the end of his bed when he grabbed me by my neck and pushed me down into the bed. I tried to fight back but he was bigger and fatter than me by maybe 70 pounds. He continued choking me as he reached his hand back to my thigh, slowly sliding it down to my pelvis. I nudged his elbow with my knee and he reluctantly stopped and just presses harder on my neck. Every time I’d answer a question that he was asking- and he didn’t like the answer, he’d squeeze tighter and tighter and I was shaking and whimpering underneath him.

He only had one moment of weakness when I felt like I was about to pass out. I tried to remove my hands from underneath his knees but I could obtain no movement so I looked him dead in the eye and said “you don’t want to do this. So stop.” Powerfully and calmly. He seemed so shaken up that even when he was overpowering me I would not be walked all over. He’d continue for the next few months just telling me how it was my fault and how I liked it and was asking for it through my body language.

He told me I was a drug to him, terrible but he could not get enough of me. We ended on a bad note of him telling me that I was a terrible person and I broke his heart and ruined his life. I told my best friend everything that happened and asked her to please stop talking to him. She did eventually and now we have no contact with him. These memories stayed dormant in my head for a year, since I thought this was all my fault. Recently I’ve been seeing him everywhere in faces that aren’t his and been experiencing flashbacks sometimes when my now (amazing) boyfriend is just lying with me. I start shaking and crying and he comforts me.

I told my mother what happened- a year later I admitted to her the whole truth and that is the only thing that has made the thoughts of him go away. A year later, I am almost 17. And I’m ok. It’s been a rocky road. But I now know none of it was my fault and if I ever start freaking out about him. I have an amazing support system.