I was married for 17 years & shared eight children. Throughout the marriage my husband had a problem with drugs and alcohol, which caused him to behave violently towards me. He blamed his choices on having to come home to me.
I never accepted that I was the problem and over time I lost more and more respect for him. I had no family support and didn't wish for my children to be from a broken home so for years I hid his behavior, ignored his attempts at control and belittling, and made small steps towards self-sufficiency for if he ever followed through with his threats and ultimatums of divorce.
I went back to university whilst continuing to work full time (he had a costly drug habit), often he hit me and tried to keep me inside but I had a daughter and needed to provide a better life.
Eventually he became very open about his drug use and I gave the ultimatum but he continued and I stopped hiding his behavior from the outside world but still had no support to leave the house or get him out. I lived about 6 months in the same house together after we split up as I had nowhere else to go with so many children, over that time he was very abusive but not so much leaving marks as he knew I wasn't hiding him anymore.
One night I ran from the house as he was attacking me (used to hit me whilst I was sleeping) the neighbors called the police and 2 years later there is still an injunction in place.
At first my older boys hated me for the break up but now they see him as he really is, not the facade that I built to shelter them.
Life is better when you are not scared of someone coming home and you don't have to fight for the right to live.
For 15 years my husband showed me no affection, now I have someone who kisses me and gives me compliments 😊