It all started at the early age of three years old. My mother was working and my dad was taking care of us. One day I guess he got bored or curious I’m not sure which one because he slowly lured me into the bathroom with a Pepsi. He told me if I did what he asked I would get it. So I did. He pulled his pants down. And asked me to lick it like I would like a sucker. I did. I didn’t want to disappoint my dad and I Really wanted that soda pop. Nobody ever told me about the privacy of our own body parts. I continued. Until he told me I could stop.
From there he proceeded to give me the soda and tell me. If I ever told anybody he would chop up my mom and make me eat her. I was 3. I believed everything I was told and I didn’t want my mom to get hurt. Everyday my dad had us alone had pick and choose which child to take to the bathroom while the rest of us stayed in the living room and played. We have been forbidden to go to the back of the trailer. This continued for over a year before my brother heard a story on the radio about a little girl and he says "hey I do that with daddy!" I yelled "me too!" We didn’t realize it was bad. We were still proud we were pleasing our daddy. It wasn’t until my mom slammed on her breaks and rushed to the police station that I realized ""I did something wrong. Why are we here? Daddy is going to be so mad"" days went on. We were questioned we seen multiple ads. Multiple stranger’s continually touching parts of me even he never touched. Violating me more as if I hadn't already been violated enough for the last year of my life.
My father raped 5 children on a regular basis for over a year. He was sentenced to 7 years on ONE COUNT that count being my sister because he penetrated her and there was physical proof. The rest of us only ever gave or he gave oral. He served 1.5 years and walked away. Years later followed by coinciding and constant reminder of what happened. And then one day. It was all over with and we were able to put it behind us to the best of our ability.
A few short years later I was laying on the couch at my uncle's house sleeping when I got woke up to him fiddling with my private parts as I slept. I rolled over and never said a word about it. My dad didn't get in trouble. Why would he. I never told a soul. Until I was 24 and that same uncle was charged with rape on his 2 children for longer than 2 years..... Nobody still believed me... About5 years later my mom met my step dad. He was the best. I was so happy to finally have a dad again. A mommy and a daddy. A full family. And then one day when I was 16 years old. I had decided I wanted to take a shower. My mom was sleeping and I was unsure where my step dad was. As I grew older I got bad vibes from him but I always told myself I was just paranoid because of the men from my past.
As I stepped out of the shower. I grabbed my towel. I stood there wiping my face. Patting myself dry. It wasn't until I bent to the floor to dry my ankles. I see. My step dad. The man I thought was going to be a real man in my life. Staring through a hole in the bathroom floor with his pants down. At this point I trust no man. Every grown man in my life has been a complete monster. I was dating a guy. And he was my world. At 16 you think you know everything. But you know nothing.
I fell hard. And I fell fast. And it wasn’t long before he had me convinced to let him please himself with my body even if I was asleep. Numerous times id be woken to a man inside me. While I’m trying to peacefully sleep. He’s having his way with me. Soon after the verbal abuse came. I was a whore. And a skank. And I was dirty for being molested so many times in my life already. He didn’t realize what he was doing too was rape. The verbal and emotional abuse got worse. Then the physical violence started. The first time he ever touched me. He punched me in my eye like a grown man and almost knocked me out. I made the stupid mistake to take him back because I didn't think he meant to hurt me. I was so naive.
The abuse slowed after I got pregnant. Until I got further along. I’ve been pinned to the ground by my throat at 29 weeks pregnant. And having my face slammed off a counter at 35 weeks pregnant. I then had my child and the abuse continued. Heed fiddle my vagina as I slept and I just had a baby. I wasn’t even healed yet and he was back to trying that again. I got told I only breastfed so I could keep my son from him so I was forced to stop. Forced to stop giving my child the nutrients he deserved because his dad was insecure. The abuse never got better. He beat me with or without a child in my hand. He broke multiple things of my children's. He’s ruined anything of their baby form (handprints birth certificates etc.) I ended up pregnant again. I was on my way out the door and had a positive pregnancy test. So I decided to try once more for the kids’ sake. I was beat that whole pregnancy.
Delivered my daughter and he left instantly. I spent my entire time in the hospital alone. Shortly after we got home the abuse picked back up. My daughter stopped breathing at 2 weeks and the verbal abuse I received was outrageous. "I tried killing my baby, I'm a piece of shit mom for almost letting her die" finally I grew strength to leave. I did and I ended up right back in his arms because he had me believing I couldn't do any better and nobody would want me. Finally on mother’s day. 2015 I got hit on for the last time. I had the last shitty holiday. I was done. And I would never find myself back into that situation again.
I filed for divorce and continued to put up with the emotional and verbal abuse while trying to get him to be a father. January 2017 I was hit for the last time. I filed an order of protection for myself and my children. And I never took a second look back... I knew it was time. To go. To fix my life. Before I didn't have a life left to fix. I now sit here and raise two beautiful babies alone physically and financially and I wouldn't change it for the world. Life can be dark. Life can be so hard. But it always gets better as long as you keep your head up and never stop pushing forward. ❤❤