I was 16 years old & it was, as I believed, love at first sight. I returned to my home community when I was in grade 10 & I met a guy who was interested in meeting & getting to know me. He knew my name before I knew his, so I was quite impressed. We then built a relationship and sooner than later I found out he had a girlfriend who was pregnant with his child.
Months pass while took the initiative to pick me up and go on rides talking and learning more about each other. Awhile later he informs me that he had broken off his relationship with the mother of his child to date me. I was flattered but at the same time I felt guilty for becoming a 'homewrecker', as many people still assume I am today. Nonetheless, we dated and I became pregnant with his child, I was 17. I was sort of ashamed of myself because I always expressed to my family that my future would be very bright and I would not be another statistic of teen pregnancy.
I announced my situation and was confronted by the harsh reality that he also impregnated his ex-girlfriend and we were practically in the same trimesters. I would even see her at ultrasound appointments because we were from the same community. I would call him and she would be there, even answering the phone to tell me that I can’t talk to him until she's off the premises. I was very confused as to why I was being treated that way and questioning my own worth in this world. I was being emotionally abused. I had many women come to me expressing my partner’s unfaithfulness.
After the New Year, one evening I felt very uncomfortable, at eight months pregnant, I knew something was wrong. I was admitted into the hospital with blood pressure that was through the roof. I had experienced a miscarriage and would have to deliver a stillborn. With my mother by my side I delivered my daughter and was forever traumatized from the experience. The final result of why I lost my baby was because of stress; is what the doctor told me. While in the hospital I got into a silly argument with my partner of the name of our baby, he wanted his last name to be hers and I told him 'no' because his mother didn't even acknowledge me and the fact they I was carrying her grandchild.
At this time I gave him the opportunity to end our relationship in hopes that the other child he was going to have would have a better future with him as a full time father, he declined and said he was going to stay with me. I was scheduled to graduate in June 2008, which was that same year. Education has always been a top priority for me, I struggled through eating disorders and depression between that times but ended up graduating. That's when the physical abuse started. He would slap me, punch me and push me around. One time, during winter, he dragged me through the snow by my leg, after tripping me, and decided to pour whiskey all over my face and hair.
My partner filled my head with lies and false promises, even going as far as to say my stillbirth was all my fault because it was my body that our child was growing inside. I chased him around from party to party, he was never proud of me, my friends even slept with him while knowing about my whole situation. I contemplated suicide a lot. My spirit was crushed when I finally got the courage to decide he wasn't the 'man' for me. I was tormented with pictures on social media of him and other women, I was harassed by him to take him back every other night, and he would walk into my house and demand sex from me.
It took me many tries and lonely nights to let him finally go. It has been almost 10 years since this had happened to me and I can still see the affects they he had caused while I try to form new relationships with potential partners. I am working on myself to set myself free from the emotional abuse, but now I no longer question my worth. I know I am worth all the love and joy that this world has to offer. I am brilliant, bright and beautiful. I can overcome any challenge life gives me. I am enough.
Anonymous