Hello and good day to all survivors of abuse, my name is a Jessica and I am a survivor of sexual abuse, my story begins in 1981, when the California Justice system decided to not listen to my family about the type of man my father was, they had ample warning that he would harm me.
After back and forth with the courts I was relinquished to my father at 2 years of age. Shortly after being returned to his care, the abuse started, first it started off with him covering his genitalia in chocolate power, and telling me to suck it because it was a lollipop, to full on penetration. I suffered so much damage at the hands of the man who was supposed to protect me.
Each year I was with him resulted in abuse so extensive that when the authorities were sent out to do a welfare check I was hidden away, at one point he kidnapped me across state lines to hide my where abouts!
In early 1985/86 a nurse at the school I was attending noticed some serious changes in my personality not to mention I had a severe infection which was causing serious discomfort, due to her keen eye, authorities were called and a kit was performed, it was found that I had endured serious abuse, and I was removed from his care, though sadly NOTHING was ever done to the man who abused me, no jail time, no consequences, nothing! I spent the rest of my time in foster care.
Though I spent years blaming myself for what happened, it wasn't until I had my own children that I vowed to protect them from anything or anyone who could hurt them like I was hurt, in 2008, as my father lay dying in the hospital, after a severe heart attack, I decided that it was time to no longer be a victim, I asked for alone time and I spoke to the man who caused so much emotional damage, I told him that I forgave him, that it was now between him and god, I took back my power! I decided to no longer be a victim!!
After his death I opened up, I spoke out and I let my voice be heard. I am a survivor of abuse, I am no longer a victim! I have learned so much through the pain I endured, I have also learned that no matter what your attacker says to you about it being your fault, or them threatening to hurt your family, that these are all lies to keep you scared, you are stronger than that, take back your voice, and speak up! Push the system and have these monsters put away! No one has the right to hurt you! No one has the right to threaten you and most of all no matter what pain you’re going through, deep down inside there is a champion inside you, who can do anything!
I am stronger now than I was in the past, I am a survivor, I am a champion, and I have the right to live a happy life, I have the right to not live in fear, and I have the right to not hide behind the pain that was inflicted on me. You have the power too!!! So take back your voice, take back your life, and learn that you are loved by those who have gone through the same thing you have!! I have a great support group, though I still suffer from anxiety, I am learning to control it! My attacker no longer has the power over me! I hope that my story helps all who have endured pain to open up, I hope it gives you the strength to see that you are not alone. Power is what you make it, and of you take all that has been done to you and use it, take back your power! My heart and soul goes out to all, our system is broken, and we as victims need to ban together to make it a better system for the future generations. I hope you can find it in you to share, as the more we share the more we as a collective group can show that there is power in numbers. Bless you all!
J. Pearles