I was first raped With my oldest child's father, I fancied him and he one day asked me to hang around with him so I did and he made me feel 4 once in my life special . We talked and he seemed nice, then we had a drink n went a walk in the woods, he put his jacket down so we could sit. we talked ages , then we kissed n I liked his kiss but then he wanted more and I tried to push him away as I said no but he didn't stop , I struggled with him but he was stronger than me . He pulled my trousers n pants down then forced his self on me. He snapped my chain in the struggle. It was all over in minutes, I didn't know what to do as I was shocked n frozen in fear. I felt hurt, dirty and used but I done nothing about it afterwards. I went home. I lost a part of me that night, I was already a vulnerable young person due to me being brought up in an alcoholic home. I was used to being hurt with my mum and just going on afterwards as if nothing had happened. I thought at this time it was normal to be abused and harmed by the people who love you. I just wanted someone to like me, love me. I wanted to escape from the life I was living at home in bullying from school. When I see him again, he made me believe how sorry he was and that he'd been thinking about me and wanted to go out with me. I decided to go with him as he promised he'd never do that again, I believed him stupidly. I ended up being with him 4 half years which within those years he done nothing but control, abuse and use me. He belittled me and made me hate myself. I felt so alone as if I had no one but him. At the same time he managed to make me feel loved, which is all I wanted. I had my oldest daughter a year after we had been together, I wanted so much to give her the life I never had, but well I was with him she couldn't have this as we were always arguing, I was always crying, hurting n depressed as well as scared. He raped me once more in our relationship we were arguing n I said I was going leave him and can't remember what else was said, but I remember him saying I know what will hurt you and he pushed me down on the bed and raped me, I begged him not to and cried for him to stop but he didn't, then he just left me lying there crying and holding myself but now I was so scared to cross him that I done everything he asked. Until one day I decided after I found out he was seeing someone else 4 months behind my back. It was my breaking point and I left him. I cried a lot n went into a deep depression after I left him. The only reason I survived was my daughter who became my rock knowing she had no one but me look after her n protect her. He was a good dad to her but really wasn't that interested in her as all he wanted was to control me. This is the beginning of my story not is all I can write at the moment.
Anonymous