I've been sexually abused/assaulted by 2 different men in a span of 3 months.
My story scares me. It ruined me as a person. I'm still trying to not hate myself from the things I have gone through.
I was in a relationship for 7 years. We have a child together. We decided on a big move away from our hometown, family and friends. Upon our move, I fell into a big depression which made me turn to alcohol for "support". I would leave the house when my boyfriend got off work and sit with friends at the bar.
A friend of mine brought me home, he was driving. He stopped the car and climbed on top of me, holding me down as he slid my pants off. I was mortified, I didn't know what to do, but it happened, for a few seconds until I finally got stable enough to get away and run home. I didn’t know how to feel, I felt disgusting, I felt used. That moment changed me for the worst, and changed my life forever. I could barely get out of bed to take care of my daughter, I could barely speak to anybody, and I had no happiness left in me.
Then, it happened to me again. How does something like this happen to somebody twice? My (ex) boyfriend's co-worker was sitting with me at the bar and I confessed to him about my situation. I was desperate for advice at that point and I didn't know who to turn to. He was very supportive about the matter. Upon leaving, I took a cab with this man, he was to drop me off at home. Instead, I saw us pulling into a motel. I was confused and asked him what was going on, he told me he had nowhere to stay that night so he was to stay there and I wait for a ride in his room. I thought I trusted this man. As I sat and waited, he looked at me and confessed how pretty he thought I was and how we were "so much alike". I got up, to look outdoors, and he threw me on the bed. As I tried to get up he pushed me down again. I told him this is not a good idea and I don’t want this. He kept telling me it was fine. At that moment, I was afraid of everybody. I was afraid to fight. I feel like it's my fault it even happened. I walked home crying.
I hate my body and I hate myself. Finally, once my boyfriend knew the experiences I've had, he broke up with me. I understand it's hard to see the point of view, but the love of my life left me. If I had gotten the help I needed sooner it wouldn’t have happened again. I regret this every day
I have a broken up family and a broken heart. I wish more people would understand how easy it is to fall into these situations. Never leave with a man alone, drunk or not, friend or not.
Find your peace. You're a fighter and you always will be.
Anonymous