Back in February of 2012, I was 19 years old and was enjoying my time as a new bar goer. It was my old roommate’s birthday and we all went out to one of the bars in my town. It was cold and I wasn’t too excited to waltz around in a tight dress or skirt that night, so I wore leggings and a long black shirt (long sleeved as well). I drank quite a bit that night, thanks to a group of guys who kept offering us the drinks at their booths. I was smart, I thought. I watched them pour the drinks and nothing seemed too sketchy, so in my eyes, free drinks!

That was mistake #1. 19 year old I was pretty naive. Half way through the night, our group wanted to leave to go to a different bar, so we left. I casually mentioned to the group of guys that we were leaving and where we were going. That was mistake #2. I wasn’t expecting them to follow me to the next bar. The end of the night was coming and I was standing with my friend, her boyfriend and his friend, waiting for a cab out front of the bar. I looked to my left and my heart dropped. I saw the 4 men, who I realized now were more into their 30s than near my age, approach me. Without any word from myself, the tallest one picked me up and almost threw me into a cab, while the other 3 men piled in. It all happened too quickly for me to do anything and at that point I was terrified. I was also feeling very drunk still.

They ended up bringing me back to their hotel suite. My phone battery was low and I was texting some friends to let them know I was okay but I wasn’t fully aware of the situation I had got myself into. They offered me some weed, to which I refused but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. Third mistake. The next thing I know, one of the guys leave and I hear the door lock and I’m in the room with 3 of them. The one I had talked to the most that night started trying to kiss me while the others watched. And then he started undressing me, to which I refused and blatantly told him no, I wasn’t doing that.

It didn’t matter. I was feeling sick, confused, weak and still drunk. He continued to pull down my pants, and his, and he tried to shove himself into me. At this point, I am pushing him off me, blocking myself, doing anything I physically can. I was not going to let myself be raped. The only thing I could think of to get out of it was to offer oral sex instead. He agreed. I have never felt more disgusted with myself in that moment, while his one friend tried to grope me and the other smoked his joint and watched. After he finished, he acted like almost rape didn’t occur and wanted to cuddle with me in bed. He told me about himself and how he has a girlfriend. I slept there because I felt that I had no choice. I am SO lucky that he actually drove me to my friend’s house in the morning and I never heard from him again. I don’t even know his name. Since then, I refuse to be that intoxicated at the bar.