From March 4th to March 11th 2017 was the worst week of my entire life. I was sexually assaulted 3 times in this week, 2 in one night and 1 being rape. On March 4th I went to a party at some guy’s house, something I never did. But he said I was cute and I was looking for a rebound from the last guy I had sex with because he took my virginity and broke my heart. But now 3 months later I was ready to move on. I went to this party and got pretty drunk and had consensual sex with this boy. After we had sex my best friend sat me on a couch in the middle of the party next to a boy I had never met.
I asked him his name and told him he looked like a guy I used to work with, and that’s all I remember. Next thing I know I wake up and he was having sex with me, on the couch, where anyone could have seen us. It took me months to remember this part but I remember begging him to stop, and telling him I was too drunk to do anything. But then I blacked out again and when I woke up he was cuddling me so tightly and wouldn’t let me leave his side. When I stood up he held onto me and was latching onto me when I talked to other people. He left for a second and I told some girl I never met to not leave me alone with him because he did something bad to me. My best friend had to drag me out of the house because I couldn’t even walk. It took me months to accept what happened to me. I was filled with anger and self-hatred and blame to myself.
Always telling myself there was more I should have done to stop it. Like not being so drunk, or not having sex with that other guy. I still blame myself a bit but the more I talk to my friends and therapist the more I realize it’s not my fault at all. Then exactly a week after this incident, on March 11, I was assaulted again, not once, but twice. First my best friend kept pressuring me into sleeping with him, even though I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to hurt my other friend that liked him. But after him begging I agreed under the one condition he used a condom, because he didn’t like to use condoms. It wasn’t till after we had sex that my other friend came into the room and told me there was a completely unused condom on the floor. Then about 20 minutes after that, my other friend came into my room as I was trying to sleep. He was cuddling on me and I knew he wanted to have sex. I pretended to be asleep.
He then pulled out his dick and masturbated on me while I pretended to be asleep and hoped he wouldn’t try anything else. He only stopped when my other friend came upstairs. After that none of my friends would let him come upstairs when he was drunk. And that was the week that made me feel absolutely worthless and like my only purpose on earth was to be assaulted by men. But now even though I still struggle, I have never felt so loved and protected and close to the people in my life. I have never felt so confident in my beliefs and what I want in life. I know that what happened to me wasn’t my fault and that it was theirs. Every day I get stronger, and I end with this, they didn’t break me.