At the age of 16 I got sexually assaulted by my best friend of 3 years. After meeting when I was only 13 and he was 16 we became inseparable, spending most evenings together and every weekend. By the time he r reached 18 we were going on many day trips out every weekend, and he slowly started showing more of an interested, dropping round random gifts, chocolate, jewellery, not that I ever thought anything’s of it, slowly he became slightly more forward to the point where he even. Asked me to get pregnant with his baby and he would pay me, which i just passed off as a joke/ then one evening back in 2015 he turned up at my house asking for advice and crying after finding out a girl he liked had slept with someone else. I got into his car and we drove to the beach, our usual place to talk while I’ comforted him and next thing I know I was locked in the car, with him on top of me. I lay there crying wnd begging him to stop, but it was literally like he’s heard nothing. The More I begged the further up my shorts he went. And then after the longest hour of my life he finally took me home wnd threatened me to keep me quiet. After a year and a half of constant abuse from people and constant threats for being a. ‘Liar’ my ‘best feiend’ Got found guilty by a unanimous verdict by a jury and was given an 18 month sentence. I spent countless nights crying f myself to sleep and hated myself and lost all self respect and love, all because I trusted someone too much. Ans then after all of that was finally over I fell in love eventually with another man. Everything’s was perfect for the first few months and quickly I moved into his. He was the first person to make me deel like I was worth something. And then one night, after being together for a perfect 5 months, was the first time I s saw him change, as his fist came flying to my face where’s he was sure I was cheating on him. I never was, wmd I think he realised that as blood dropped from my nose across his carpet, after him begging and saying it’ll never happen again to we evwnrually got back to normal, and then just 3 weeks later as i went to leave for work in a skirt, I saw that’s face again, qs he aaid ‘no WOnder you got raped when you dress like such a slag’ to which I told Him he had gone to far ans told him I was finished, I then got pushed onto the bed, with his hands round my neck wnd while spitting in my Face he shouted how he was goinf to fucking kill me. As everything started to go fuzzy i felt myself able to take a breath and then was quickly knocked back by another’s fist to the face. Again, he cried, and swore never again and then told me I have to stop pushing him to do these things. These random small attacks happened countless times over the next year, every times me being too in love with this monster to leave, thinking it was my fault am and beleivinf he wouldn’t change and then I fell pregnant in January 2017. When he found out I had booked for a termination he begged to changed my mind, so I did eventually and for the first 4 momths I saw a a huge change. He was the person I fell in love with again. But obviously was too good to be true ans eventually he snapped, when I found out he had been sleeping with someone’s else, I got grabbed by my hair and chucked to the ground and kicked and spat on. 3 hours later he was picked hon by police and charged wit him assault, as I lay in hospital getting my baby checked. From then I cut contact, and didn’t hear from him untill after his trial was Done by which point I was 30 weeks gone. Being naeve and wanting a family for my little boy I agreed to try again but no Moreno chances. And he’s was like a changed man. We got ready for our arrival and the first two week so as a family we’re perfwct, untill once again he snapped, as I held our son in my arms he told me how I was nothing but a fat slag with stretch marks and how he hated me amd how the ‘ugly thing innmy arms wasn’t his, as i told him to leave and pack his stuff for the final time he stamped on my foot and twisted, leaving a massicw bruise and promised he would get me back. Finally I left. And it’s a shame it tOok my son to be here for me to do it but he deserved better. And he is whats important. Here’s I am, laying in bed, 4 months on with my gorgeous boy asleep in my arms, content. I didn’t deserve what happened to me, but I did let it happen. I let two people who I trusted and loved use that against me. But i am stronger, I am a survivors wmd most of all I am a mother to a perfect boy who I will will give the world. As hard as I still find things, I will always remember i Made it. Wnd I will eventually stop blaming myself. There is always a silver lining.