Day 301 of 365

I met and fell in love with a man when I was 16 years old, he strongly grew not only to be the man I loved, but my best friend. Shortly after our 3 month relationship he had broken up with me because he had stated that cops were at his house because he had been dating a 16 year old girl. After spending every day with him, and every waking moment talking to him I didn't know what to do with myself. I began dating and talking to other guys but in the end it wasn't him. A few weeks after I turned 17, He had texted me and wanted to hang out. We had gotten back together a week or two after that day. The thing about him was no matter how hard I tried, he was never mine. He began with a lot of emotional abuse in the beginning of it, mentally hitting me in every spot he knew he could, based upon appearance. I watched my insecurities rise. I got pregnant 1 month after we had gotten back together. The first time he put his hands on me was when we lived in a side by side of his parents, I was 2 months pregnant. He had drug me down the stairs by my feet and threw me outside. He took my phone, and locked the door. I had no shoes, and no phone, and it was pouring outside, at this time is was 11 o'clock at night. I had went next store to his parents to simply ask them to have him give me my phone. In seconds it turned into an attack on me. His mother had called me skum, told me I was going to be a terrible mother and told him to go into the house with my phone. I had gotten into my car, drove to Kwik-trip and went inside to call me parents. A few weeks after this incident, he had apologized and told me it wouldn't happen again. I believed him and got back together with him. However for my parents, that tie was broken. He was no longer allowed in my house and they had known that a man that loved me never would've allowed this to happen, or put his unborn child's life at risk as well. A week after our daughter was born, he had walked out because of my insecurities and because he couldn't sleep at night with our child crying. A month after that, he had asked to see our daughter. I had agreed to go over to his house with her but I would only stay for two hours and there was to be no discussion about "us". He had agreed, however after I had gotten there all he wanted to do was talk about us. When I had declined the topic, he freaked out. Telling me I was already with a new man, this was the first time he had choked me. He wrapped both hands around my neck and shoved me into the bathroom door, he then ran into his bedroom with our daughter. I went in after him, terrified of what he had planned next. He took me by my arm and threw me into his dresser I hit my head off the corner and I immediately hit the ground. That was the only time I've ever seen Hayden have remorse as he sat down on the ground and wrapped his body around mine crying and apologizing for what he had just done. I had his hand print on my arm for the next week. After that it had only gotten worse, he would drop me off at random places and leave with my phone. Only to come and pick me up a half hour to an hour later, and sometimes never. When our daughter was about 4 months old, He and I had gotten a hotel room to spend alone time with each other. This was one of the worst times he put his hands on me. We had gotten into an argument because he wanted to go hang out with his friends but I didn't want him too. He began screaming at me, calling me a whore and a piece of shit, he then bent me over the bed with my back against it, with both of his hands around my throat telling me that he is going to kill me. Our daughter began screaming and he let go of me, he then rolled her over very hard causing her to get frightened and scream even louder. When I had yelled at him for being rough with her, he grabbed a pillow and put it over my face, not allowing me to breath and telling me that I made him do this, I made him want to hurt me. At that moment I had absolutely no control of anything. I remember reaching over and grabbing my daughters hand, squeezing it tight with absolute certainty that I was going to die that day. Until he got off me. He called me a stupid cunt and said we were over and walked out. I had gotten undressed to go take a shower to try and take away some of the pain. Until he came storming back in again, to grab my promise ring. When I told him he couldn't have it, he had slapped me really hard on my left butt cheek leaving a welt. I shoved him away from me and he had shoved me with so much force I flipped over the bed and landed on the other side of the room. I laid on the floor begging him to stop, apologizing. He then sat next to me, asking me why I did this to him, why I made him put his hands on me, I apologized for starting the argument. His anger progressed. I began waking up every morning walking on egg shells. I felt alone, I hated myself. I cried every night as i looked in the mirror at the bruises and marks all over my body, I remember sitting on the floor sobbing asking God to help me, to please fix what had been broken. I asked him if his friends knew the horrible things he does to me, and he stated "yeah, it's 2017 no one cares if you hit a women." As well as, being in the car and he would tell his friends and everyone would laugh it off like it was funny. He has not only hurt me, but has put our daughter life in danger numerous times. He has tried to hit me with his car, with our daughter in the back seat, he has hit me numerous times with our daughter in my hands, he has dropped her and I off places, on the sides of highways and back roads. When we drove, if he got angry he would hit my head off the steering wheel, or punch me hard in the stomach. There's been numerous incidents where his cousin, had been at our apartment and had to try and get him off me, because he was choking me. He and I, had gotten into a very bad argument another time, when he pulled over by some apartment buildings and started choking himself saying he was going to kill himself. Being with him, I was alone. I lost everyone, I have always been close with my family but he knew exactly how to isolate me. I had to continually hide it from my family, a week prior to this I had gone by them for the day, when it was time for me to leave I had cried in my mothers arms because I didn't want to leave, but I had to tell them that it was just because I missed them. To any of his friends or family, I was always the monster. It was always my fault for the way he reacted. He had changed my entire life, I was a zombie, and a broken soul, I answered to his every wish. The man who was supposed to protect my daughter and I, and make us feel safe was the one I feared the most. I have no capability of trust, I spent years with a man that told more lies than truth, and I believed every word because I thought he loved me. This has impacted my whole family, each and everyone blames themselves for everything. They all feel as though there was something they could've done, my parents still don't understand how they couldn't have seen the signs. July 2nd was the day I finally left him. I had noticed for a few days before that he was acting strange and very distant, i was getting ready for work and he was giving our daughter a bottle, although it probably wasn’t my place or my right i grabbed his phone and quickly ran into the bathroom, he came flying into the room before i could even get it unlocked, he then took the phone out of my hand and threw it as hard as he could at my stomach, I remember falling to the ground because that pain was so unbearable until two seconds later he threw my phone at me too, as I was laying on the floor crying he started screaming at me telling me to shut the f*** up and that if the cops came he was going to kill me. But I couldn’t stop crying, my stomach was swollen and two bruises started to form so deep you could see the charging port of his phone on my stomach, he started whipping me in my legs with his landyard trying to get me to be quite. I finally got off the floor and went to the couch, all I could hear was yelling but I was so focused on the pain I had no clue what he was saying, until I felt a hard shove, and it wasn’t long until I couldn’t breathe, he had both of his hands around my neck cutting off any sort of wind I had, I felt everything starting to go black, I could tell I was starting to lose conscious, I could hear my daughter crying on the floor next to me but it sounded like she was 100 Miles away. I looked up and him and by the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what his intentions were, and they were not to let me live. I finally got my foot up from underneath him and kicked him backwards, I sat there grasping for any air I could but my neck was twice the size as normal. He stormed to the door and said were over and walked out. I ran into the bathroom to grab my phone but had seen he had taken both. I knew at that very moment I needed to get out, I needed to get my daughter out. I went outside as it was pouring rain and screamed help at the top of my lunges hoping someone would hear, and save us. But no one did, I then remembered his laptop was in our bedroom I quickly found his computer and with no time to spare messaged his cousin who was also my best friend telling her I needed her to come get me and that it was an emergency, I then grabbed my daughters diaper bag and quickly put her in her car seat and went outside and started walking down the road towards his cousins house, as I was walking down the side walk I heard someone yelling my name, but I knew exactly who it was, I kept walking until I felt someone tug the diaper bag on my arm, he got it around my shoulder when i pulled in back ripping the strap on it. I sat on the sidewalk and wrapped my arms around my daughters car seat, he then tried to pick up the car seat when i pulled it back to the side walk he open hand slapped me right across the face, my nose started bleeding immediately I then looked up and seen a woman pulled over, he tried to pull her car seat again and I pulled it back to the ground and he then slapped me again, I remember staring at the woman thinking that at any point in time I would run my daughter to her car so she was safe. I noticed she was on the phone and so did he, he then ran through these little bushes that were across the road promising me that if he gets arrested he’ll kill me. I got up and starting walking again my nose and cheek were bruised, my lip was fat and my nose was still bleeding, numerous people were pulled over and a nice man came up to me and asked if i needed a ride home, i respectfully declined stating my cousin was coming to get me, when she finally got there it was a matter of seconds until two police officers pulled up afterwards. He is currently facing battery, disorderly conduct, and a felony strangulation and suffocation. When I called my mother July 2nd, 2017 she was crying before I even got the words out. When I got home and my family seen the marks he had left on me, my sister sat in our kitchen on the floor sobbing on her fiancés lap absolutely sick to her stomach about everything she had just heard. She had hugged me like never before, and at that moment I needed that. My mother couldn't breathe she was crying so hard, and my brother went to run out the door and broke down by it leaning against the door, as my big brother he thought he could've protected me, saved me. How could he? I never wanted them to know the horrible things he did to me. I had went to the hospital shortly after I came home and the doctors looked at me with hurt in there eyes, I was bruised and battered and so confused on why he did what he did, when all I ever did was love him, they examined me and said that 75% of my body was bruised new and old from him. If telling my story could save just one life, or help just one person then to me everything I went through was worth it.