You hear all the time about these people being in violent relationships but you never think it’ll happen too you. Until one day, you’re being dragged out of your bed at 3 in the morning. Wondering how it ever ended up like this, why it’s happening too you and how you can get out of it.. if there’s even a way out? You sit and think to yourself how can somebody who claims they love you hurt you so bad, you want to tell someone desperately about what’s going on and what you’re going through but you don’t ever seem too have the right words.. how do you explain that someone who’s supposed too make you feel so safe make you feel so much pain and fear. The bruises and cuts may fade but the mentality of it remains.. from one little push, comes a punch after. Then after they’ve calmed down when they claim to love you again, they’re sorry. They’re so sorry you think it won’t happen again that’s the last of it, until it’s a few weeks/months maybe that the anger has built up more but only this time they start with a few words too make your self esteem drop lower and lower. They start calling you names, calling you a slag,fat, no good piece of shit, that they’re just with you for sex. You feel so lonely and after the words there’s always actions. After a few hits you start too feel numb and just sit there and cry. Until they want to say sorry again and plea that it’s the last time.. every time you forgive them but one day you stop. But you stay, you don’t leave you don’t even try too leave because you’ll be made too feel guilty like you’re the one that has done wrong. So you act as normal just go along with being happy like it does matter about what they’ve done too you, but you don’t look at them the same anymore you don’t love them, all you have is hate. And you’re so angry at everyone because no one knows what you’ve been going through, you start too wonder how no one has noticed? Can no one see in my face that I’m not the same person anymore? But you pick yourself up just like you have been.. until one day you’re arguing with your partner again and this time it’s big. This is the worst one yet, the one where you know it’s time. Time too let go, time too leave.. but what can you do when your so called lover has their hands wrapped around your neck so tight you can’t breathe you think you’re taking your last breath and you’re doing everything you can too fight him off but it’s just not working you’re so weak and damaged by everything he’s done too you, you just let him carry on. Until, he stops. You’re lying there on the floor taking your deep breaths like you’ve just ran for your life. And he gets his things together and decides he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He doesn’t want to be with me? But I’ve been the one suffering, I’ve been the one to be in pain, I’ve been the one with the cuts and bruises, I should be the one leaving. It all hurts so bad but I’m so relieved because it’s finally over I don’t have too feel all the hurt and pain I’ve been feeling, I don’t have too pretend I’m happy, I’ve never felt so free. For two years of feeling like there was no escape, I was finally free. There was nothing that hurt more for sure because I loved that person. But I knew it was finally over, time for us both too move on. And even though he caused me all that pain there was nothing I wanted more for him too be happy with someone else. I never thought I’d live without him but I did. I survived and I’ve never felt as strong as I have today. I didn’t go back, I got on with my life succeeded in topics in my life and I grew as a person and learnt to love myself. Then I found my true soul mate. The person who does love and protect me, the person who makes sure I’m happy with every situation, decision and though. Someone who LOVES and CARES for ME, I never thought I would find that but I have. And it’s so so great. Everyone deserves a man like I have now, and please if you’re reading this and it reminds you of a situation you’re in. Please, just leave. I promise things will get better and easier with time. Or even just tell someone wats going on just so someone knows. I was lucky, I got away. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, I have depression and anxiety from everything that happened too me but you deal with it with help and support and when you’re with somebody who loves you, they help you the most.
Anonymous