He was a few years older than me when we met. We were teens and he “saved me” from my chaotic home life. He bought me things, took me places, and was sweet and attentive. 6 months into our relationship was the first red flag. We were at an amusement park on the Ferris wheel. I was looking down at the ant sized people when he mumbled under his breath “what a slut” I was shocked and confused. I tried to break it off right away but he always was there...showing up, apologizing. I kept taking him back as more of these incidents occurred. I was talking to my best friend on the phone one day while living at my moms house. By that time I knew better than to talk to guys or I’d “get it”. He walked in and began to listen to our convo and overheard her brother pick up the other line and begin talking...in the way annoying brothers do. He lost it. He threw the phone, threw me down and began ripping off my outfit. He held me down and spit in my face calling me vulgar names. He threw me around the house like a rag doll. He went to my room, took photos of us and ripped them in half. He ripped the stuffed bears head off he had given me. The whole time I was worried my parents would come home and find me disheveled and almost naked. After he apologized saying his love for me was so strong he couldn’t take it to think of me being with another guy. Things got worse and worse. Soon he was tracking the mileage on my car so I could only go to work and back. All of my friends were “sluts” so I couldn’t hang out with them. I had to respond to his calls immediately. I had a doctors appointment and I didn’t answer his call. I soon had 30 missed calls, voicemails, he’d leave work, call my parents. He’d drive around looking for me. After words he’d hit me, call me a slut and accuse me of cheating. If I looked out the window of the car and a guy happened to be outside in my view he’d back hand me across the face and call me a bitch. He began to “check me” vaginally with his fingers when I came home to make sure I didn’t cheat...he also did this when we were in a car with people. If I had too much discharge, that was proof I cheated bc I was “too wet”. He held me down and raped me on many occasions. One night we had some close friends over and our daughter was only a few weeks old. Our guy friend was outside and began talking to me and he walked outside and freaked out. He began hitting me and threw me in the road punching and kicking me in front of his friend. His friend left. Inside it got worse and he repeatedly hit me. I was down on the floor crying and he grabbed my head in his hands and slammed it into the floor. I blacked out for a short period of time, when I came to I could barely talk, I was sobbing but couldn’t lift my head up off of the floor. What devastated me was I wasn’t able to physically get up and take care of my newborn. I had to call his parents to pick up our daughter in the middle of the night. I had no self esteem. He told me what to wear, where to go. I had to be careful of what I said. If he didn’t like something I did or said while in public he would humiliate me, pour beer down my back, throw his food in my face. I stayed home and sat in a room waiting for him to come home so I could live. I couldn’t go anywhere without him and when we did go to the mall I would look straight down, for fear he’d think I was looking at men. I was able to work and go to college...he wanted me to make money for him. I became a nurse. We have two kids together. The last straw for me after being with him for 12 years was him humiliating me in front of friends on the night I threw him a graduation party...that was the only thanks I got...being abused. I had just started a masters program. Nobody knew the secret I faced at home behind closed doors. After fighting me that night he passed out drunk on our stairs...I snapped a picture of him lying there and told myself I was done. It wasn’t easy to leave and it still is not easy. He still tries to control me through our children but I am thankful my kids do not have to live with the nightmare I did. 

You are not alone ❤️