My sexual abuse happened when I was 16 out in Newport, South Wales, and UK. 2015 I was a typical teenager I wanted to rebel, skipped school, running away, but put myself in danger without even realizing! I was with my two best mates at the time, both younger one 15 and the other 14. We only went and got ourselves stuck in Newport the place of crime and unimaginable things, we bumper into 3 boys who seemed nice at first, they had alcohol and a bit of cannabis, at the time it felt like a good idea just to stick with them as we were all alone in Newport 3 young vulnerable girls.
After a while they start offering drugs for sex and all that but none of us are interested what so ever, and guess we took it as a joke around really. So we decided to go back to the one boy’s house, considering we had no way home and ran out of options. We all walk upstairs to his bedroom, me walking at the back until everyone’s on the bed expect me. My two mates led next to each other, a space then boy. Obviously me being the oldest out of us all, I did feel like it was my responsibility to do the right thing and keep them safe. As we go to go to sleep, the boy starts touching me, I kept pulling him off because I didn’t like it I just wanted to sleep and forget about this nightmare situation but he wasn’t getting the hit, so he kept trying harder until I was vocally saying no get off but then he flipped out turned the light on and shouted ‘if you’re going to be like that get out of my house’ or some sort and I just remember it all happening before I could do anything about it, he wouldn’t listen and that really did scar me for life..
.My friends admitted they heard me saying no, I don’t blame them for not trying to stop it because they were probably scared too. I just wish I made better decisions when I was that age. I blamed myself for ages! I thought because I chose to go in that house that I brought it on myself, but over the years I realized that no not at all I did nothing wrong, I was naive! I did say no! I did not deserve what happened to me! But you know what I would have never lived with myself even more if I’d let it happen to one of those girls.
And that is how I know I’m strong! Because if I can pull through this I can achieve anything, I used drugs for quite a while to block everything out, it still haunts me but I’m getting stronger and stronger!