As I take a deep breath I share my story that I have never told anyone. I was sexually abused by my mom's now boyfriend it started when I around 4 years old and continued until I was 8 years old. He would come into my room at night after everyone was asleep and would hold me and put his hand in my underwear where he would touch and penetrate me.
I didn't know what was happening because I was so young I just knew I didn't like it but It got to a point where it would happen so frequently I would sleep under my bed just so he couldn't get to me. It has caused a lot of mental health issues for me I had a horrible fear of men growing up that I would have panic attacks or tantrums when I was left with them and still have panic attacks to this day when I'm around a man I don't know or who makes me uncomfortable.
It sometimes affects my sexual relationship with my boyfriend if he touches me in a way that reminds me of it I go into a full blown panic attack and have to stop completely. It hurts though knowing that a man you were supposed to be able to trust used your innocence for his sick disgusting sexual desires. It hurts when you get older and realize you were molested by someone you were supposed to be able to trust. But I think the thing that hurts the most is knowing I will never be able to truly come forward out of fear of being labeled a liar because it's been 10 years since it last happened.
Every time I see a story of someone coming forward after years of hiding the fact that they were sexually assaulted or abused and I see all the people labeling them a liar it justifies that feeling of never being able to tell my story. But right now even though I'm panicking and in a pool of anxiety sweat I'm telling my story so people know that if they are being abused or have been abused even if it's been 10, 15, 20 years that their stories and feelings are valid and they have every right to come forward and get the help they deserve. I want them to know that they're not alone and that their story deserves to be told and listened to without being judged.