A month into my newfound sobriety shortly after my 21st birthday, I was at a friend’s place when her boyfriend came home with a bit of cocaine, it was probably around 2 in the morning, and my friend was asleep. We each took a line, and while chatting woke up my friend.

She was furious and kicked us out. Having nowhere to go at such a late hour, certainly unable to go home as I lived with some pretty conservative relatives, I messaged any and all vaguely close friends in my contacts. Finally, someone replied. He and I had been friends for about six months at this point, partying occasionally, talking often.

He was nice, I was in distress, I went over and he began taking care of me. Making sure I felt safe, keeping my hydrated, providing me with emotional comfort in attempt to keep me calm. But then he pulled out a baggy of what I later found out to be MDMA. He told me it would take my mind off things, the arguing with my friend and whatnot, so I agreed. But then we did more. And more. And by 6am I was face down nauseous on the edge of his bed.

Desperate for water for my dry mouth and sore lips, I asked if he could help me up. But when he came over and noticed I was completely helpless, he began to slide down my leggings. I remember he made a joke about the fact that I didn’t have panties on - as if it had anything to do with what he was doing to me. I tried to kick him away, but I was not in control of my own shaking body. I tried to shout, but my mouth was far too dry and chalky.

I went in and out of consciousness, as it continued on and off until the come down from the drugs began. After falling asleep for one last time, we both woke up half naked, there was blood on the bed. He laughed and “apologized”, and told me to clean up while he put the sheets in the washer and made breakfast.

I ended up turning the shower on but calling a friend to come and get me. I never told her what happened. I never told anybody what happened. He was my friend, and he was supposed to be taking care of me. It can happen to anyone, it can be anyone.