I was 16 when I met my then boyfriend. He was friends with a group of people I would hang out with and go to regular high school parties with. One day a mutual friend of ours said he liked me and wanted to ask me out. I immediately said to her no. I didn’t think he was cute. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. He was funny and seemed nice but just wasn’t attracted to him at all.

This was around the same time that the boy I thought I was in love with cheated on me and we broke up. I started dating several guys to get him jealous then would break up with them after two weeks. I was a virgin in every single way possible in spite of dating several guys. I would sometimes not even kiss them. I would use them to basically get my ex jealous and then I thought I should try to get to know the guys I’m ‘dating’ to help get over my ex.

So after several weeks of my mutual friend trying to get me to go out with the guy friend I wasn’t attracted to, I said okay. They hyped him up so much to be such a good guy I thought fuck it. Maybe I’ll finally get over my ex. After two weeks of ‘dating’ him I just wasn’t feeling it. It would gross me out to hold his hand or anything because I wasn’t attracted to him at all. So I just flat out told him this isn’t working out and we should just remain good friends. Well he went all bat shit crazy saying he was going to kill himself and leave a video or note to the world so they knew it was my fault he killed himself. This was just after only TWO weeks. So I was in shock and didn’t know what to say so of course I said okay maybe we can try a little longer and maybe I’ll gain some feelings.

Well another two weeks went by and I still just couldn’t get on board. He just wasn’t my type and now I knew that he was completely crazy of course I wouldn’t be attracted to him. So on my second attempt to leave him he cause a scene at a party we were at. He threw himself in the middle of a busy street. Waiting for a car to run him over. Said he wouldn’t get up until I said I’d go back with him. So of course since there were about 5 cars coming I said okay. Anyways let’s make the whole middle part short. I kept trying maybe about 11 more times. Well one night at his house he threw a party. I went inside to use the restroom with a friend and when she was done she went back outside and I stayed peeing. Well I open the door and he’s standing there so I say excuse me and he grabs my hand and leads me to his room saying he just wanted to talk.

We get in his room and he says he’s going to give me a shot so that I’ll calm down and talk to him. He turns his back which is probably when he slipped something in my drink, and I took the shot and just let him know that it would be better to just be friends that he will eventually find someone who loves him. Well I tried to get up and leave and I started feeling light headed and nauseous. So he grab me by the arm and said to sit down that I’m “too drunk” he tells me to lay down a while. Then I see him get up and turn off the lights so I get up off the bed trying to walk out because I start getting an ugly feeling and then I just feel his body in front of me next thing I know I’m on the bedroom floor Losing my virginity.

I tried to scream and he tells me to shut up and puts a hand over my mouth. So I laid there crying away while I let him be my first. The rest of the night is a blur. I just remember walking inside my house and getting in the shower and crying. I ended up pregnant so I had to tell everyone “yes we did it” yes I lost my virginity to him” I didn’t want to go to the police because I was a minor and they wanted to speak with me with my parents. I wasn’t even allowed to have boyfriends and was terrified of my dad so I did nothing. I gave birth to my baby girl and he isn’t in her life. But it’s been a long journey. Everything he did when he found out I was pregnant to try fighting me for custody in 2016.

No one knows. I tried telling my sister but she didn’t believe me because he was the ‘nice quiet guy’ he was so obsessed with me he traumatized me to never want to date another guy. And still haven’t. My daughter will be 5 in July. The stress made me lose a lot of my hair and I have severe depression. But I’m still learning to move on.