I have been pinned down while holding my baby girl while he was in one of his rages. I have been told that I am the cause for everything negative in his life. I have been told that I became boring in bed. I've been sent Snapchat photos of him dancing closely with other women at the bar just to spite me and hurt me.
Every time I got a backbone and wanted to leave, he'd cry and say "don't leave me, I need you - I do all that to make you jealous so you'll stay." And fucking hey, I fell for it every time.
The day I was pinned down with my baby daughter in my arms is the day I snapped. I called the police and he was charged with domestic violence. Now I struggle with being lonely sometimes, and I miss the good times we had before the violence came out. But I am in college and working part-time, we are living with my parents, and I am slowly moving forward and rediscovering my self-worth. I still cry sometimes, and there are days I still despair that he's not still the sweet guy I fell in love with. But I keep moving forward knowing that I will eventually be okay - it is my experience that everything heals with time. I pray a lot. I take a lot of walks in the fresh air. I drink tea and binge-watch Netflix. I do things to help ME for once, rather than making everything about him. I focus on making sure I'm the best mom possible for my daughter.
If you're reading this and think you can't handle leaving - know that I was the biggest emotional wreck when I first left. TRUST ME, if I can keep moving forward, anybody can. Ask yourself how much your best friend is worth, or your daughter, or your sister. If you wouldn't want them to deal with what you're being put through, then don't you put up with it either. I promise you can make it.