I don't quite know how to start this, I guess I'll just give some context. Years before the whole incident happened I had been in an on and off "relationship" (I put quotations because the relationships tended to last about a week plus it was in junior high) with a boy named Tyler. Tyler was a fuckboy, everybody knew it and yet everyone was willing to catch feelings for him, myself included. Tyler was the first person I found my naive self very attached to.
There was a time where we dated for about a month and I was ecstatic, I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. That was obviously untrue and I’m sure I didn’t know what love meant, it was simply the best way I found to express how I felt. Shortly later he broke up with me again and little me was very hurt, I cut myself almost every night for the longest time and I fell into the trap of him coming back a few times after.
Soon enough I moved on and in grade 9 started a relationship with someone else, that lasted for 10 months before my idiotic self-left him for Tyler, Tyler had come to me saying he had changed and was more mature (we were in grade 10 at this point), so I started dating him again. It actually went quite well, he actually would act like my boyfriend and was kind of. Sweet? After about a month and a half he and I were in my parent’s basement spending time together when we decided that I wanted to lose my virginity. Looking back on it now I know that the decision was more hits than mine and that should’ve been a sign.
Either way, it happened and because I had an anxiety problem I wanted him to like me and not leave again. So when he wanted to have sex, we did. Another month and a half passed and we wanted to go to the Christmas lights, he wanted to have sex before we went but I teased him and said no. We were walking around and he kept talking about it, it was sort of making mw uncomfortable. At this point I feel like it’s necessary to mention that Tyler had schizophrenia, the kind where you hear voices, I can't recall exactly what it's called but you get the idea. It had never been a problem and he was on medication for it, but that night something happened. We were walking and Tyler turned to me and said "I have to go to the washroom, wait for Me.", so I stood outside the washroom door for less than a few second when he reached out, grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the handicapped bathroom.
He locked the door. He kept insisting that it would be good and everything would be fine, he kept saying he knew I wanted it, I was terrified, and I was ready to just get it over with when someone knocked on the door. I lost it, I rarely have anxiety attacks but right then I absolutely freaked out, Tyler told me to be quiet and he cracked open the door which I hid behind and politely said to the janitor "It's occupied" and closed the door. I was bawling and shaking and he looked at me and all the intent and lust in his eyes disappeared, he hugged me and just repeatedly said he was sorry but I was scared of him. I don't remember how we got out of there but we did and everything went fine but I stayed quiet the whole way home. He kept making jokes about it but I was mad and upset.
Soon after he left me for another girl, claiming he needed a break. A few weeks after all that happened the girl came to me, her name was Julia, she was asking me if I hated her and I was shocked, I don't even know her, of course I don't. She and Tyler hadn't worked out and she came to tell me that he had kept our pictures, as in nudes that Julia and I had sent him, and he wasn't afraid to blackmail us, I don't remember the reason but I was scared. I also don't quite remember how the situation dissipated but eventually Julia got him to delete them all. Tyler hated me. For about a year he refused to talk to me and I tried to get him to forgive me. Not long ago we finally made up and now we're sort of friends. Worst decision I've ever made most likely. Guess some people don't learn.