When did standing up for yourself and for what's right become the reason for losing friends? Because those who were there while it was happening never thought I'd fight as hard as I am. A year ago when all those so-called friends were at my side with their "I got your back" and "you got this" and "you have to keep fighting" were the friends who maybe felt bad that I was going through this but didn't care enough to try to understand the mental and emotional aspects of it. Some more than others didn't take the time to really understand my situation, didn't really try to put themselves in my shoes to maybe even try to understand the severity of what was happening in my life.
It seemed like my situation was more of a gossip topic for them. Some people like to see you going through a bad time just to gossip, some people want to be able to say, "can you believe this happened with her" or "did you hear the latest with her" – like a coffee clutch convo for people who I thought were my friends. When someone would ask me how I was, I would say fine and didn't want to discuss it anymore. But those friends that are at my side today never let me not talk about it. They wanted to know how I really was and what was going on because they genuinely cared. Those are the people who've been to court with me, hugged me while I broke down, sat there for hours with me so I wasn't alone. Those are the ones who are my lifers!
From dozens of friends the number dwindled to less than a handful. My days became quieter with fewer conversations with all those people who had been in my life. My days became clearer as to who really had my best interest at heart. The outgoing person that I once was with tons of friends was no more, but that was perfectly okay with me. I am a good judge of character, so I know those who contact me once every so often are motivated by their own guilt for feeling like they are betraying me by either associating with people who have done me wrong, or who have been gossiping about me. The worst part of it is that when they stopped caring is when they actually betrayed me.
I don't and never cared about who was associating with who. This was my life and my path to fight this fight to protect myself and my son. From the beginning of this nightmare up to the moment I am writing this I'm still fighting every day. Just yesterday I texted someone a question and their response was “OMG I thought that it was all over,” not evening knowing that my hardest fight is just beginning and the more and more I become public about it the more feelings will get hurt but for all the wrong reasons.
No one is fighting this battle but me and I'm doing it on my own. I will never not stand up for myself. Whoever that hurts can deal with their own guilt about their own behavior – because it’s got nothing to do with me. Their guilt and hurt feelings will never impact my ability to fight for myself and what's right. I don't need fake people in my life. I don't need to be that girl with all those friends. I like being the girl who has her handful of friends and fighting with everything I have to stand up for myself. I’d rather be known as the strong woman who really stood up for herself than the popular girl who did nothing. Not many woman have the strength to fight like I do, and I’m learning that sometimes it can take a person like me to strengthen others. The fakes are so easily recognized and if you feel this blog is about you, you may be right!