With all the constant anxiety that my son and I face every day, we still keep going. I’m in therapy, he’s in therapy, but every morning he cries on the hour long drive to school. Yes, an hour, because I had to put him in school near my work because of my schedule. So not only does my 5-year-old get up at 5:30 every morning to make it to kindergarten by 8 o’clock but he's in school till 5pm. I work a lot in order to provide for us and since I'm his only financial support I have to work hard. That's how I became successful and able to give him such a beautiful life – but it comes with a price. The price is that we don't get to spend a lot of waking hours together, the price is that I don't get to spend summers with him, and as much as I sacrifice, he sacrifices more.
He doesn't even get to enjoy summers waking up late and playing all day, because he has to go to indoor facilities. He has very bad separation anxiety because of my ex, always feeling like my ex was going to hurt me and that I would never come back to pick him up, so summer camp is out of the question. And he never complains about having to go to these places, he does it with a smile and will tell me he knows he can't go in our pool every day and have fun because I have to work. He's so amazing and the more I write about him the more and more grateful I am for him. He feels his own anxiety each day and it’s just terrible when you can't take it away but today was different.
The morning started out the same with him crying for 20 minutes in the hallway of his school, which gives me such intense anxiety every day while I'm at work. But today was Report Card Day. I went to the school and met his teacher who told that his academic score was perfect on his report card! His teacher bragged about him and what an amazing and smart boy he is, adding that he has perfect manners and a pure good heart. I must admit I do hear that all the time from others but what we see as parents is always a different story LOL. I left his school with a smile that wouldn’t go away, something that hasn’t happened in a long time.
Not only am I super proud of him but I am proud of me. Throughout the past year I’ve felt like a terrible mother. Not only did my ex try to convince me that I was, but I was so emotionally distorted I felt like I couldn't emotionally be there for my child in the ways that he needed. I still was his mom but knew I wasn't doing all I could. Let’s face it, I was both physically and mentally worn out, but I always made sure he was happy even if I had to fake it. Today just proved me wrong! No matter what we have been through and still go through I’ve been a great mom who always stresses what’s important to my son, to help him advance and do the best he can. Today I learned he's not only doing his best, he IS the best. Smarter than your average kindergartner! I'm so proud of how my son loves to learn and wants to do the work and succeed in life. It's not always easy but hard work pays off and I'm a perfect example of that. You know what they say – lead by example! Not bad for the single mom! Cheers to us both!