The Aftermath of Revenge Porn & Slander

As most of you know, I am a victim of revenge porn and defamation. (Slander on the web) Let me clear something up really quick: just because my images have been removed does not mean that the slanderous content that is still there doesn’t impact my life.

My biggest fear was meeting someone new and being judged as a result of the lies all over the Internet about me. I started to tell any new friends exactly what happened right from the start, I didn’t want any hidden secrets and wanted people to know the truth. I would tell them anything they read on the web about me is all lies. That was the best way for me because it brought me closer to many new friends and I got a lot of support. I wasn’t being judged because I was HONEST from the get-go.

It has been 18 months since I’ve thrown out my ex, divorced, and tried to move on. In those 18 months, I didn’t have any interaction with any males. I just didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready. I was still trying to rebuild my self-esteem after being abused for years and I was still very nervous to trust anyone. It took me over a year to feel like myself again, to actually be happy even with all the shit all over the Internet about me. I have gone through things people will never experience and almost took my own life, and I was finally at a point where I said fuck it and I was going to keep moving forward. As this summer started, I felt more like my old self after so many years. I wanted to just enjoy my summer and have fun.

It wasn’t until recently that the fears I had came true tenfold. It took me 18 months to be comfortable enough to be intimate with a man, a man who I was honest with since day one about everything in my life. I never lied about anything. I told it like it was and he knew that I was just looking to have fun. I am a 35-year-old adult who should be able to have some fun. He was so fucking hot and I was extremely attracted to him. I haven’t been attracted to anyone in 18 months because I stopped myself from even wanting to with the fear of being hurt. I have plenty of opportunities but I just didn’t want to pursue them.

He was different. I couldn’t stop thinking how hot he was and I would tell him – I literally told him exactly what I was thinking and what I wanted to do to him. Call it dirty or slutty but again I am an adult who is single and free. I can guarantee everyone reading this has done the same thing, if only in their own minds. Weeks of going back and forth trying to get it to happen, finally we had concrete plans to hang out. I knew that once he walked in the door it was going down. This wasn’t going to be a movie night with cuddling, and we both knew it. Neither of us wanted that anyway.

It happened exactly like I knew it would, he barely walked through the door and it was on. Days before this he had said he saw some websites about me and asked me if anything online was true, like me having diseases. I told him straight out no and explained again that this was all lies like I did when we first met. He said I hope you’re not mad that I asked and I said of course not, I understand because I did. To ease his mind I sent him my STD results. I didn’t think twice of it because he didn’t know me or about me and had every right to ask. I answered his questions with no problem.

For something I was looking so forward too, it turned out to be my biggest fear come true. Not only did we have sex, he even asked me when he was at my house if I am good, I told him yes I already sent you my STD results, I don’t have any diseases. The first few minutes were really hot and then I started getting a bad vibe and told him. He brushed it off and tried to pretend that he wanted to see my body in the light, checking out my tattoos but he was really looking for anything weird on my body. I knew then that my bad vibe was right.

He went to use the bathroom and when he came out we small-talked a little, and he was texting someone so I just let him do this thing. He then went back into the bathroom, came out and asked me what Clarithromycin is. At first I didn’t even know what he was saying, so I kept asking him what are you talking about? He then said come here and took me into my bathroom and showed me a bottle of Clarithromycin and showed me on his phone that it could be used to treat UTIs. I was sooooo completely taken back and said are you kidding me you went through my fucking medicine cabinets and are questioning an antibiotic that I took in 2015 for Strep Throat. He kept asking me and I even gave him copies of my STD results to look at right there and then.

I told him I think he needed to leave. I was crying and not that I wanted him to see me cry but I was so hurt. Days earlier I thought he had believed me when he asked me – and then to know what I have been through and to do this to me, and invade my privacy in my own home to make me feel like a low life. I couldn’t even believe this was happening. I sat on my couch trying to prove myself to someone who just had sex with me. He said that I would have done the same thing, and my answer was no I wouldn’t have because if I had any doubts I would have never showed up. He made me feel sexy and wanted for weeks and let’s face it I wanted good sex. It took me so long to even get the courage to sleep with anyone and I finally do and what started out amazing turned out to fucking suck. On top of being interrogated in my own home and made to feel like a lowlife slut.

The next day I was so upset, I still couldn’t believe it, especially after how many times I had to prove myself when once should have been enough. If he had that many doubts I would rather him be honest and say no but he came to my house and had sex with me and then left me feeling lower than ever. That following day, I went and got tested AGAIN for every disease and even requested my medical records to prove why I was on the antibiotics he question after invading my privacy! Once I received all the results and paperwork I sent it to him showing him that I DO NOT have any diseases. I know I didn’t have too but I needed to clear my name. It bothered me so badly to know that after what I have already been through and tried to keep moving forward, this one knocked me down fucking harder than I thought possible.

I do not sleep around, I am not fucking random men. In the last ten YEARS I have been with 3 men: my son’s father, my ex-husband, and now this fuckboy! I am a mother and have solid integrity and any person who would think I would lie about not having a disease just to get them to have sex with me isn’t worth my energy. I DON’T NEED TO LIE TO ANYONE TO GET LAID, TRUST THAT!

Comment